Frj p5 3507 i^l Copyrighted (in England, her Colonies, and 

s) Edition of the Works of the Best Authors 



J 



.07323 
N4 
1915 
Copy 1 



1 J^ JLJL 



NEW CO-ED 

An Original Comedy m Fc-iur Acts 



BY 

MARIE DORAN 



COPYRKJET, 1915, BY SAMUEL FRENCH 



ALL RIGHTS RESERVED 



CAUTION.— Amateurs and Professionals are hereby warned that 
"THE NEW COED," being fully protected under the Coiiyright Laws* ■ 
of the United States, is subject to Royalty, and any one presentmg the •. 
play \vithout the consent of Samuel French will be liable to the penal 
ties by law provided. Application for (^the right to produce "THE 
NEVv^ CO-ED," must be made to Samuel French, 28-30 West 38th Street. 
New York. 



PRICE 25 CENT^ 



New York 
SAMTJET. FRENCH 

PUBLISHER 

28-30 WEST 38th STREET 



London 

SAMUEL FRENCH, Ltd. ® 

26 Southampton Street • 

STRAND I 



THE NEW CO-ED 



An Original Comedy In Four Acts 



BY 



MARIE DORAN 



Copyright, 1915, by SAMUEL FRENCH 



ALL RIGHTS RESERVED 



-CAUTION.— Amateurs and Professionals are hereby warned that 
" THE NEW CO-ED," being fully protected under the Copyright Laws 
of the United States, is subject to Royalty, and any one presenting the 
play without the consent of Samuel French wiU be liable to the penal- 
ties by law provided. Application for the right to produce "THE 
NEW CO-ED," must be made to Samuel French, 28-30 West 38th Street, 
New York, 



NEW YORK 

SAMUEL FRENCH 

PUBLISHER 
28-30 WEST 38th STREET 



LONDON 

SAMUEL FRENCH, LTD. 

26 SOUTHAMPTON STREET 
STRAND 



P3 3srdr 

THE NEW CO-ED. 



CAST OF CHARACTERS. 

Letitia (Letty) Willis A new student, from a- 

small town 

Madge Stevens Letty's friend and champion 

EsTELLE DooLiTTLE A Spoiled beauty 

Miss Rice The landlady 

May ■] 

Rose ... > College chums 

Grace . . J 

RiCHAM) (Dick) Bradley. .The athletic star of the 

class 
"Punch" Doolittle . . . . T/i^ mischievous, work- 
hating brother of Estelle 
Jim Young. .A neutral, and Coach of the Dramatic 

Club 
George Washington Watts. .... .Porter at Miss 

Rice's, a gentlemen of color, and "^ peace " 

Students, members of the Dramatic Club, The Glee 
Club, etc. 

2 



DID 41919 

QGT !l 1915 



THE NEW CO-ED. 



Act I. Sitting-room in Miss Rice's boarding- 
house. The arrival of the new student, and her 
reception. 

Act II. Same scene, on Hallowe'en night. 

Act hi. Same scene. A business meeting of the 
Dramatic Association. 

x\cT IV. The Campus, or lawn ; the class dinner 
and reception. 



The theme of this play is the arrival of a new 
student at the college, her reception, her trials, and 
how they terminate. 

3 



THE NEW CO-ED. 



PROPERTY PLOT. 

Act I. Neat furniture ; curtains ; piano ; cushions. 
Quantity of unframed photographs. 3 letters with 
envelopes ; 3 checks. Suit-case. Telegram. Several 
pieces sheet music. 2 vases on mantel, i large box 
of candy — (to be eaten, i small fancy candy box — ■ 
(not opened). Coins. 

Act II. Plenty of Hallowe'en decorations. 
Scissors ; piece of tape ; spool cotton ; thimble ; 
pitcher of lemonade (to drink) ; 4 tumblers. Book. 
Diamond ring in jewel-box, and another box. i 
paste-board box, about the size of show box, contain- 
ing one very small sandwich. Flask, filled with 
sarsaparilla (to drink). About 12 large apples. 
Small photograph of farmhouse. Letter in envelope. 
I large handkerchief for each person (to blindfold). 
I purse and paper money. 

Act in. Writing-paper, or pad; pencil; ballot- 
box ; minute book ; small account book. A number 
of paper covered play books. Gavel. Pitcher of 
water. College flags. 

Act IV. Rustic or garden furniture — bench and 
chair. Small jewel-box (not opened). Collar, 
and red or yellow tie. 



Costumes — modern. The Hallowe'en costumes 
may be as elaborate and grotesque as desired. Letty 
does not wear such a costume. 

4 



THE NEW GO-ED. 



ACT I. 



Scene : — -The sitting-room in the hoarding-house, 
conducted by Miss Rice. A neat interior, more 
comfortable than stylish, c. d. at the hack. A 
door on the l. A door on the -r. A mantel- 
piece and fireplace on the r. below the door. 
Center-table in the c. of the room. Piano in 
npper l. corner. An ample conch dozvn-stage r. 
of c. Comfortable rocking-chair, or arm-chair, 
on the L. down-stage. Several light chairs — 
easy to move. The doorway curtained. Any 
other furnishings available, with two vases or 
ornaments on the mantel. If the fireplace is 
not available, the mantel-shelf zvill answer, and 
is easily contrived. On the floor in front of c. 
table, three cushions, two or three feet apart. 
The time is the Autumn, when the students 
^ are about to resume study. 

At Rise: — May, Rose and Grace, three pretty 
students, are seated on the cushions. They 
form a nearly straight line, as they sit upright, 
each with an earnest manner, while each girl 
holds a letter, zvhich she is reading intently. 
Each zvith an envelope lying in her lap, and a 
check zvith each envelope. 

{Enter from c. d. Madge Stevens, in brisk fashion, 
her arms full of unframed photographs. She is 
singing, or zvhistling, as she advances down r. 
of table.) 

„ 5 



6 THE NEW CO-ED. 

Madge. Ah, ha! here, is where I find you — re- 
treaters! quitters! and squatters! (To the girls) 
Didn't you promise to help me unpack, and give me 
your solemn pledge you would set up the art gallery. 

May. (Rather sharply) Oh, Madge, ring off ! 

Rose. (Same tone) You always interrupt us — 

Grace. (Same tone) When we are reading the 
morning mail ! 

(Jlie three girls bury themselves in the letters.) 

Madge. Mail! (Spelling) M-a-i-1 — or, is it 
m-a-l-e. (Singing) Three little maids to school 
come we, but not for study, he-he-he ! 

Grace. (To Madge) You make more noise 
than a mob ! 

May. (Looking at letter) You dear father! 

Madge. " (Mimicing May) " You dear father " 
— oh, I'm wise to your tricks, foxy one ! 

May. (To Madge) I suppose you think it is 
from a boy ! 

Madge. (To Rose) And Rosie's letter — is that 
from '' dear father," too ? 

Rose. (Regarding letter) From my own darling 
dad ! 

Madge. To complete the conspiracy — what sayeth 
thou, Grace, the third? 

May. (Reading letter) " My dear daughter — 
in accordance with your request, I inclose herewith 
a check for fifty dollars — " (Picking up check 
from her lap) There it is! (Waving it) 

Rose. (Reading letter) " Dear Httle Rosie- 
Posie — it surprised me — though not a great deal — 
to receive your sweet letter. I enclose what you 
asked for — a check for seventy-five dollars — " 
(Picking up the check) Hurrah, for my daddy! 
(Waving check) 

Grace. (Reading) " Gracie, dear — your mother 
informs me that you telegraphed for money — find 



THE NEW CO-ED. 7 

inclosed my check for one hundred." (Picking up 
check) Oh, you papa, dear! {Waving check) 

Madge. You shameless things ! back from vaca- 
tion only three days, and asking fathers for money ! 

May. Three cheers for our dads ! 

Omnes. {Heartily) Hurrah! Hurrah! Hurrah! 
(Waving checks) 

Madge. And a tiger for the grafters ! ( Tossing 
the armful of photographs over the three girls. 
All laugh heartily) You're a bunch of human cash- 
registers ! 

May. (Picking up tzvo or three photographs) 
What are you going to do with this junk? 

(The three girls place their letters and checks in 
envelopes, and tuck the letters in their belts.) 

Madge. This is not junk, Miss Fresh — each and 
every pasteboard represents the features of a "manly 
hero ! (Picking up a photograph) There's Bob 
Summers, in his uniform, after he won the hundred 
yard dash ! Gaze upon that Greek profile ! (Hold- 
ing it at length, regarding it) 

Rose. Covered with freckles ! 

(All the girls laugh.) 

Grace. (Picking up a photo) Here's Dude 
Miller — after he recovered from a joy ride. Look 
upon those dreamy eyes — that wabbley frame ! 

(The girls laugh.) 

Rose. (Picking up photo) Here's Matty Collins 
— just as he rceived a stern command from father 
to pack and come home — because Matty missed 
every exam ! Isn't he a happy looking infant ! 

May. (Picking up photo) Let me call your at- 
tention to this one — the homeliest, freshiest, and 



8 THE NEW CO-ED. 

onliest-Punch Doolittle — -who believes in all play and 
no work — attired in the usual make-up — one brown 
stocking, one white, one tennis shoe and one rubber 
boot — our only Punch! (Regarding photo) 

Madge. Oh — spiteful! (Snatching the photo 
from May) You're always ridiculing poor Punchy 
— the very darlingest boy in school — anyway, / 
think so. (Dusting the photo with the corner of her 
dress, and regarding it affectionately) 

Omnes. Oh, we know that, Madgie love! 

(Laughing at Madge, as the girls gather the photos 
into piles, while Rose is much interested in try- 
ing to build a bridge zvith the pictures.) 

Madge. Who cares if he ?'^ reckless of his ap- 
pearance ? So were the greatest men in history ! 
(Disdainfully) Brainy people care nothing for 
boots and stockings 

Grace. Brainy! That eliminates Punch. 

Madge. (Airily) Your ill-natured sarcasm is 
stricken from the record ! (Admiring photo) Look 
at his noble shoulders, his frank, open face ! 

Rose. I've heard of an open-face zvatch — but — 

May. Who opened Punchy's face? 

Madge. (Ignoring their remarks) See! his 
great, generous ears ! 

Rose. They certainly are generous ! 

May. Why, you can see those flaps a mile off — 
long before the face to which they grow ! 

Madge. (Haughtily, to May) Miss Junior — if 
you knew anything about organology, you would 
realize that ears are not attached to faces — they are 
attached to heads! (Madge, zvith her head in the 
air, turns to mantel r. and places the photo con- 
spicuously in the c.) 

Grace. Oh — Madge is all het up — be gum ! 
Want some more, honey? (Carelessly tossing 
several photos over to Madge— 7£'/io picks them up. 



THE NEW CO-ED. 9 

presently, and arranges on mantel. Contemplating 
photo) And these are the creatures we once loved ! 
May. Speak for yourself, Gracie. (Rising) 
My soul mate is not in this collection! (Carrying 
several photos to Madge at mantel) 

(Enter Estelle Doolittle c. door.) 

EsTELLE. Hello, chums. (Down l. of table to 

L. C.) 

Rose. (Seated) Here's Estelle. (Continuing to 
pile up the photos) 

May. We were all just wishing you would come 
in. 

Grace. Madge wants you to help her arrange 
these relics. (She rises, picking up her pillozv and 
May's, both of zvhich she tosses on the couch r. — 
then- she picks up several photos and thrusts them 
into Estelle's hands) 

Estelle. What a bother Madge is ! (Sinking 
languidly into chair l. of c, allozving the photos to 
lie in her lap) 

(Madge at mantel, arranging photos, zvhich May 
hands her.) 

Madge. Isn't Ricey a love of a landlady? She 
knows we will have to pin down to study when 
school begins next week. She says we may do as 
we please in this room, so I am going to make it 
cute and homelike by decorating it. 

Estelle. With these things? (Indicating 
photos) 

Madge. Surely — human decorations ! 

Grace. (Lounging on couch r.) Wasn't it Nero 
who invented human decorations ? 

Rose. (Composedly) Yes — he spiked Christians 
in his garden ! 

Madge. Oh, horrid — shivery ! 



10 THE NEW CO-ED. 

EsTELLE. Some of these ought to be spiked. 
{Looking at a photo) 

Madge. That's not intended for a certain hero — 
{Looking at Estelle, as she advances down to hack 
of table, zvhere she picks up a couple of photos) 

Grace, May and Rose. {Ln chorus) We know 
who — Dick Bradley ! {All looking at Estelle) 

Madge. There he is — {With photo) 

Estelle. {Sharply — zvith interest) Where? 

Madge. Right here! He really is a handsome 
article! {Looking at the picture critically) If 
one cares for that type of beauty 1 

(Estelle rises quickly, allowing the photos to drop 
— she advances toward table.) 

Estelle. {To Madge) Where did you get that 
picture ? 

Madge. {Exaggerated szveetness) Dick gave it, 
to me — two years before he ever heard of you — but, 
of course, if Dick is your property — soul, heart 
and dancing pumps — {Advancing with photo) — I 
surrender his phiz ! 

Estelle. You may keep it, if you will treat it 
with proper respect. {At l. of table) 

Madge. Thanks. {Turning to mantel) We'll 
make Dick a real feature — surrounded by freaks ! 
{Placing photo conspicuously on mantel. Grace 
riss, crossing to piano, zvhere she arranges music) 

Grace. The boys will feel flattered when they 
see the exhibit. 

Madge. {At mantel) That's why I'm doing it. 
{Facing the others) Every time you flatter a college 
boy, you get an ice-cream soda ! 

Rose. I never saw a more accomplished politician 
than our Madgie — always trying to get something 
for nothinsr. 



THE NEW CO-ED. ii 

May. Are you really engaged to Dick, 'Stell? 
{Down near table) 

EsTELLE. Suppose I am? {Returning to chair 
L. c.) 

Rose. Are we supposed to suppose it? 

EsTEiLLE. You're a shockingly inquisitive crowd. 
{Sitting) 

Madge. {Down r. of table — to Estelle) It 
struck me that while you were on your vacation, 
you would meet someone who'd make you forget 
Dick Bradley. 

Estelle. I don't want to forget him. He's been 
v/onderfull}^ nice to me — he came up to our camp 
this summ.er — and father is delighted with him. 

Madge. Dick is a darling — but some people say 
he is fickle. 

Estelle. {In irritation) Oh, shut up, Madge — 
you're always plotting. I might give you a few 
shots about that scrub brother of mine — only, I feel 
the profoundest pity for anyone who can tolerate 
that untidy, undignified, silly, and useless person ! 
{Her head in the air) 

{Enter from c. d.. Punch Doolittle. He is always 
very brisk in speech and action — rattles off his 
lines in snappy fashion. His costumes is as 
varied and startling as has already been de- 
scribed.) 

Punch Doolittle. Hello, sisters, cousins, and 
sweethearts! {Advancing dozvn to r. c.) 

Omnes. {Except Estelle) Plello, Punch! 

Punch. May I come in? Thanks — glad to see 
you. {Shaking his own hand) Glad to see me — I 
knew you would be — delighted to return to our dear 
old classroom — how I love my books ! How I love 
my teacher ! — I wish every college in the country 
would fall and crumble into ashes — I do — so help 
me Josiah ! 



12 THE NEW CO-ED. 

Madge. (Dozvn r. of Punch) Punch — you 
have no ambition ! 

PuNCPi. (c. facing Madge) I have a great 
ambition — I want to be your husband ! 

(All the girls — except Estelle — scream in delight.) 

Madge. (Piqued) You needn't tell the whole 
tmiverse. (Picking up a pillow from couch r. and 
giving it a vicious twist) 

Punch. There's nothing sneaky about me — 
when I hate, I hate hard — and when I love — I love 
out loud — so everybody can hear the rattle of my 
throbbing heart ! 

Madge. Oh, Punch, don't ! (In some shyness, as 
she returns to mantel and photos) 

Estelle. (To Punch, contemptuously) You 
are a fine-looking object for a husband. 

Punch. Did you ever see me look any sweller 
than this? (Whirling around) 

Estelle. Never ! 

Punch. You never will! A tousled ^.rterior, 
indicates an artistic interior — (Suddenly rumpling 
his hair) Me for the artistic peppermint — I mean 
temperament ! 

Estelle. (In disgust) What awful English ! 

Punch. That's not Enghsh — it's Irish, be dad! 
(Abruptly, to Madge) Madge, are you going to 
give me a kiss ? 

Madge. Stand back ! didn't I warn you ! 

Punch. Em not afraid of black-hand threats ! 
(Suddenly) Great Peter ! that reminds me — there's 
something in my pocket ! (Digging frantically at 
his pockets) 

(All the girls regard him in startled surprise. Rose 
stops playing with the photos, as she rises to 
kneeling position. Madge down r. Punch c. 
Grace l. of table. May hack of table c. 
Estelle seated l. of c.) 



THE NEW CO-ED. 13 

Madge. (In concern) Is anything hurting you? 

Punch. I don't know — {Same business) 

Rose. Are you in pain? 

Punch. I'm in bad — if I ever find this — it be- 
longs to Madge ! 

EsTELLE. A letter, I suppose ! 

Punch. Worse than that ! 

EsTELLE. A telephone message! 

Punch. (In comic anger) Would I have a 
telephone in my pocket! (Gritting his teeth at 
Estelle) Dazzlingly intelligent — you! 

May. What can it be ? 

Grace. Money ! 

Punch. Nix — you'll never get the goods on me — 
(In triumph) Ah! Haha ! Haha ! (Drawing a 
telegram from his pocket) I have it ! 

Rose. A telegram ! 

Punch. Yes, little one ! 

Madge. Punch ! you villain ! how could you for- 
get it! (lerking it out of his hand) 

Punch. I didn't — I've been v/earing it next my 
aching heart — since yesterday morning ! 

Rose. You're a monster! (Rising — picking up 
pillozv, zvhich she tosses on couch) 

May. a wretch ! 

Grace. A petrified rogue ! 

Madge. (Indignantly, holding telegram — nn- 
opened) Can't you say you are sorry! 

Punch. (Gleefully) I'm not sorry — (Comic 
laugh) Ha, ha, ha! I'm glad — tickled to death! 
he, he, he ! I kept it deliberately, purposefully, with 
premeditated malice, and rabid, rapacious rascality ! 
(To Estelle) That's English — do you get me? 

(All the girls advance in a semicircle, regarding 
Punch zvrathfully. Punch c, in apparent 
terror. ) 

Madge. (In haughty, menacing tone) You will 



14 THE NEW CO-ED. 

have to make a better apology than that, Mr. 
DooHttle 1 

Omnes, {Menacmg tones) Do better, Mr. 
Doohttle ! 

Punch. I do — do as Httle as I can do! {The 
girls close about him) Oh, I say, girhes, don't 
shove — remember ! I have a weak heart ! {Hand to 
his right side as he shivers) 

Madge. {In dramatic tone) Explain! {Point- 
ing to telegram- extended in her hand) 

Omnes. {In highly dramatic manner) Explain! 
{All the girls pointing at him, menacingly) 

Punch. I will^ — I will — if you'll tell me what to 
say ! 

Madge. The truth ! 

Omnes. The whole truth! 

Punch. All right — Ell tell you the truth — with 
a hole in it. 

Madge. Nothing but the truth ! 

Punch. {To Madge) You're just like Lady 
Macbeth — so unreasonable ! {Regarding Madge 
resentfully) 

Madge. Go on ! ' 

Omnes. Go on ! 

Punch. {Fervently) Ed love to — {Glancing at 
door) 

Madge. {In anger) How did you get this tele- 
gram ? 

Punch. I pinched it — it was lying on the hat- 
rack — now, you know what a hatrack is — you don't 
know what a hatrack is? {Regarding her in as- 
sumed amazement) 

Omnes. {Loud and stern) Goon! 

Punch. Oh, Mama ! 

{The girls pinion his arms, 7.vhile Madge pinches 
his ears.) 

Madge. Confess ! 



THE NEW CO-ED. 15 

Punch. Let go my telephone! (Madge re- 
leases him) And relax your grip upon my wings! 
{The girls release him. In serio-comic manner) 
Away with subterfuge. Do you know what subter- 
fuge is ? 

Omnes. We do! 

Punch. Whatever it is — away with it ! When I 
saw that innocent-looking message on the hatrack, 
and beheld to who it Avas addressed — {Indicating 
Madge) — a mist floated before my eyes, and I was 
seized with a great jerk — a jumble ! likewise a 
jingle in that region of which the poets sing — my 
heart! {Hand on his heart) Said I to myself, 
said I — " A rival ! A rascally rusty cut-throat is 
trying to steal her from me ! " And then into this 
jealous skull, there crept a great temptation — shall 
I open it? 

Madge. What — your skull! 

Omnes No! 

Punch. As I was about to yield, my conscience 
smote — and smote hard — '' Punch," said the little 
voice, "heaven help you if you open that gram!" 
And I didn't — conscience triumphed ! 

Madge. {Severely) It wasn't conscience — it 
was horse sense! {Opening telegram) 

Punch. That's better than conscience! {A step 
to L. c.) 

Rose. {To Madge) Who's it from, Madge? 

Grace. Anybody sick, at home? 

Madge. {Reading telegram) It's from Letty. 
(Reading) "Meet 11 A. M. train if convenient. 
Love, from Letty." {Startled) Oh ! it's after 11 
o'clock now, and the poor child is waiting at the 
station ! 

EsTELLE. The new student! {Rising) 

Madge. {Increasing excitement) What will 
she think of me! {Advancing tozvard Punch) 
What can she think ! and it's all your fault ! (Push- 
ing Punch backward toward chair l. c.) Yours! 



i6 THE NEW CO-ED. 

yours — you booby ! (Pushing Punch into the 
chair in a heap. Grinding her teeth as she stands 
over Punch in threatening indignation) What 
kind of an opinion will she have of me? 

Punch. You want to get my opinion of you! 
(Attempting to rise — Madge pushes him hack) 
Madge. Stay where you are ! 
Punch. Yes, your highness. {Crumpling up in 
the chair) 

Madge. {Rattling on in the same manner) 
Letty is coming here — to a strange town, a strange 

school — strange people ! 

Punch. That's right — so strange they're in the 
freak class 1 

Madge. She has never seen anything like this 
before ! 

Punch. I bet she hasn't ! 

Madge. {To girls) Think of it, girls — -never in 
all her life has she been away from a small town — • 
and just because this — {Indicating Punch) This 
has a fit of mean, conceited, unfounded jealousy — 
this heartless, inhum.an, iniquitous 

Punch. {Bristling itp) Now, you stop calling 
me names ! 

Madge. (Continuing, excitedly) All our plans 
are upset ! Instead of standing here, I should be at 
the station ! 

Punch. (Loud) Why don't you go there ! 

Madge. {Indignantly, to Punch) If ever I had 
a soft and tender regard for you — (Punch rises 
quickly, grinning) — your conduct has turned it to 
wormwood! (Punch pauses abruptly) You un- 
happy blunderer ! (Punch jumps back with a jerk) 

Omnes. Blunderer! (Regarding him indig- 
nantly) 

Punch. (To Madge) Won't you forgive me? 

Omnes. (Except Madge) No! 

Punch. (To girls) I didn't ask you! 



THE NEW CO-ED. 17 

EsTELLE. Nobody could forgive you! (At l. 
glaring at Puncei) 

Punch. (To Estelle) Buttinsky ! 

MadCxE. Look at the room ! nothing ready — Oh, 
girls, girls ! do something — anything — I'm so upset ! 
(The girls attempt to tidy the room, in much ex- 
citement) The idea of being here when I should be 
at the station ! 

Punch. (Excitedly) Why don't you go? — the 
train won't come upstairs! 

Madge. (To Punch) You don't understand 
anything, do 3^ou ? 

Punch. (Snappishly) No, I don't — especially 
girls! (Crossing to r. c.) But Em an amiable old 
thing — willing to learn. Do you want me to go and 
get the train — I mean do you want me to go and 
meet the train? 

Madge. {Pausing up c, sharply) No! (Punch 
pauses abruptly) No! (Stamping her foot — 
Punch jumps) 

Punch. (Down r. c. in confusion) Oh, my 
nerves ! They're just like that — and that — and that ! 
(Tossing his hands ivildly about) 

Madge. {Dozvn a step, to Punch, indignantly) 
I see your scheme ! 

Punch. You see more than I do. 

Madge. You v/ant to meet Letty first and boast 
about it ! 

Omnes. We see your scheme ! 

Punch. Such a thought never penetrated my 
innocent young miind ! (To Madge) Nozv, who's 
suspicious ? — who's jealous ? 

jMadge. That's not jealousy — it's precaution ! 

Punch. (Astonished) Pre — oh! how sweetly 
ingenuous ! 

jMadge. You have been in college long enough to 
know the meaning of .simple English words ! 

Punch. When I want to learn English, I don't 
go to college — I go to vaudeville. (Sinking dozvn 



i8 THE NEW CO-ED. 

on couch R., a picture of discomfort and irritation. 
Rose is back of couch r.) 

Rose. Don't sit there — I just straightened that 
pillovv^. {Shoving Punch off the pillozv and re- 
arranging it) 

Punch. Oh, very well — I can go if I'm not 
allowed to sit down! - (Starting wrathfully up c.) 

Madge. {Up c, intercepting Punch) Now, 
don't go out in that ugly tmper ! 

Punch. This desperate mood may lead to my 
arrest — let me go — {A slight effort to pass her) 

Madge. Wait — you're not insulted ? 

Punch. {Quick) Yes, I am! 

Madge. {Changing o gentle tone) Who insulted 
you — May, you apologize • 

May. {Surprised and indignation) What! 

Punch. {To May) Apologize — or I won't go! 

Madge. Never mind them Punch — they're just 
back from vacation — some girls get an awful rough 
edge on during the summer! Here! {She quickly 
places a chair forward a little — into this Punch 
sinks, with a sigh of relief, and smiling) 

Rose. Don't place that chair in the way ! {She 
jerks the chair azvay, upsetting Punch) 

Punch. {On floor) Em having a perfectly 
corking time! Oh, joy! 

Grace. You can't sit there — {Stumbling over 
Punch) 

Punch. {Determined tone) I shall sit here 
until Em shoveled out! {Arranging himself zvith 
determination) 

{Enter Miss Rice, c. d. She carries a large box of 
candy.) 

Miss Rice. My dear young ladies 

Madge. {Excitedly) Oh, Ricey, has she come? 

Is she? Can't you answer? {Excitedly, advancing 

toward Miss Rice) 



THE NEW CO-ED. 19 

Miss Rice. (In perplexity) My dear, Miss 

Stevens 

■ Rose. (Close to Miss Rice, spying candy) Oh, 
girls! Ricey has a box of candy! (Taking box 
from Miss Rice, opening it) 

Miss Rice. With Mr. Bradley's compliments ! 

EsTEixE. What — Dick! (Quickly joining 
others) Is he here? 

(Enter from c. d. Dick Bradley.) 

Dick Bradley. You bet he's here ! 

Omnes. Oh, Dick ! welcome back ! Our own 
lovely Dick ! When did you get in ? etc., etc. ( They 
crowd about Dick, shaking his hand, slapping him 
on the shoulder, zvhile they eat the candy, which 
is passed around) 

Rose. How perfectly heavenly to have you with 
us ! (Eating candy) 

Miss Rice. (Gently) Young ladies, if you will 
subside — I'm sure Mr. Bradley has something to 
say. 

Dick. Chuck full of talk — (Looking at all) The 
same old lovely crowd ! (Advancing down to r. of 
c, the girls following) You all look mighty good 
to me ! I'd like to kiss you all — may I ? 
to me! (Observing Punch, laughing) What's 
the matter with Humpty-Dumpty — Hello, Punch, 
old toi)^(Taking the hand Punch extends) One 
— two — three! (Jerking Punch to his feet) 
Shake! (Steadying Punch as he shakes his hand) 
It's a surprise to see you here — I thought you had 
quit college? 

Punch. My dad has an idea in the back of his 
mind that there is something here — (Tapping his 
head) — worth cultivating. Everybody else is con- 
vinced that I'm a ninnyhammer — but father persists 
in believing me a genius ! 



20 THE NEW CO-Er>. 

Dick. {Promptly) Nonsense^iow could he 
think anything so fooHsh? 

Punch. How's that? {Looking at Dick) 

Dick. They say people without brains, are the 
happiest. 

Punch. {Piqued) Oh, indeed ! And some- 
body said that silence is golden ! 

Madge. {Advancing) Dick, you're cruelly 
personal. All Punch needs is encouragement — then 
he will become something — {Regarding Punch 
with pride) — something great! 

Punch. You bet I will — if it's only a great 
bicycle rider ! 

Madge. That's better than nothing. {Thrusting 
her arm though that of Punch and drawing him to- 
ward the circle zvhere they are eating candy) 

EsTELLE. (l. c.) Dick — you haven't noticed me! 
{Pouting a little) 

Dick. {Advancing to her) Great pleasures 
come last! {Bowing to her. Estelle, pleased, 
advances a step, extending her hand) You look as 
stunning as ever. {Taking her hand) 

Estelle. {Pleased) Thank you. Did you enjoy 
your vacation ? 

Dick. Did I? {Retaining her hand) Immensely 
— you should have been with us- — the greatest lot of 
old grinds ! you would have made a hit with them — 
and talk about girls ! Peaches ! the finest collection 
of girls ! 

Estelle. {Withdrazving her hand, tone of dis- 
appointment) Oh! I thought you cared very little 
for girls ! 

Dick. {In surprise) What! How could you 
ever think it ! A pretty girl certainly finds a slave in 
me ! {A step nearer her) You ought to know that, 
Stella. 

Estelle. {Seriously) Dick, I don't know quite 
what to think of you — {Crossing slozvly to couch 
R.) Eve been trying to puzzle you out — but I don't 



THE NEW CO-ED. 21 

understand yon. (Sinking on couch r. c, looking 
at him) 

Dick, (c.) Really ! It is flattering to know that 
someone is thinking of yon. (Advancing, sitting 
beside Estelle) 

EsTELLE. Were you thinking — of me? 

Dick. (Cheerily) Of course I was — it's our 
duty to think of our neighbors — a sentiment that is 
not shared by our fellow students! (Glancing 
around at tJie others busy eating the candy ) 

Grace. (Advancing, li'ith small piece of candy) 
Dick, don't you want some candy ? Do have some ! 
(Extending the small piece) 
. Dick. Thank you — we appreciate your generosity 
■ — (Looking at the piece in her hand) But don't 
let us deprive you. (Drazving another, smaller box, 
from his pocket) Estelle shall enjoy her own ex- 
clusive box for her own sweet self. (Giving 
Estelle the box) 

Estelle. (In delight) Oh! Dick! Then you 
really did remeujber me in spite of all those lovely 
girls ! 

Dick. You are much in my thoughts, Estelle, 
that's the truth ! Are we going to be good friends 
this year ? 

Estelle. I hope so — father and mother think 
very highly of you. 

Dick. Isn't that nice ! Thank you ever so much. 
Shall we open this and pass it around — as a good 
example? (Lndicating box) 

Estelle. No, indeed ! I shall keep every bit — 
because you gave it to mx ! 

(George Washington Watts speaks outside c. d.) 

George. Miss Rice — excuse me, Miss Rice — 
{Enter George c. door) Excuse me — Miss Rice— 
Miss Rice. What is it, George? 
Dick. (Rising) Hello, George — how are you? 



22 THE NEW CO-ED. 

George. Bless my soul! If it ain't Mr. Bradley 
— {Advancing down to l. of c.) I'se pow'ful over- 
joyed to see you, Mr. Bradley 

Dick. {Advancing , light laugh) I'm glad to see 
you, George. {Extending his hand. George looks 
at the extended hand, a bit surprised, then extends 
his hand to Dick, who takes it) I thought you had 
gone to Europe to join the Russian army! 

George. Me? I ain't got no kind o' use fo' no 
Russian army — no sah — I didn't go to Russia — went 
to Baltimore, yes sah — I don't b'lieve in no war, 
Mr. Dick — 'deed I doesn't. I'm fo' peace — 
universal — , anniversal peace ! The everlastin' 
union of brotherly love ! 

Dick. That's a fine speech, George — {Shaking 
his hand approvingly) you're a good citizen. 

Rose. Hurrah for George Washington Watts ! 

(George grijis and bozvs to Rose. Punch rushes 
down c. between Dick and George, in aggres- 
sive fashion.) 

Punch. Did you come in here just to spout 
peace ? 

George. {Retreating a step) I camed up here 
to tell Miss Rice thars a young lady waitin' down 
stairs 

Madge. {Excitedly) A young lady — I know 
who it is ! {Starting tozvard c. door) 

Miss Rice. Perhaps you are mistaken, Miss 
Stevens — I will go. {To c. door) Come George — 
hurry! {Exit) 

George. Yes'm. {Going lazily toward c. door) 

Madge. Send her up here — and do, hurry ! 

George. Yes'm-— I'se a hurry in' — {Going lazily 
out c. D.) I'se a hurryin' ! 

Madge. {Excitedly) I'm sure it's Letty ! 
{Rushing over to couch r. and arranging cushions) 

May. Don't get so excited Madge 



THE NEW CO-ED. 23 

Madge. I'm not excited — not a bit — {Excitedly 
thrusting a chair into position) 

Grace. Anybody would think your Letty friend 
a most exceptional person and the only new co-ed 
that every struck the place 

Dick. Is she pretty, Madge ? 

Madge. Beautiful ! Wait until you see her ! 

Dick. Beautiful ! That hits me ! 

{Over to L. where he straightens his collar and 
brushes up generally. Estelle, zi^ith a frown 
of apprehension, rises, remaining down r. 
watching c. D. The others tidy the room a hit, 
while PuNCPi, sits on the piano stool, his hands 
clasped about his knee in careless fashion. 
Madge pauses dozvn r. regarding Punch 
critically.) 

Madge. Punchy, dear, would you mind tying 
your shoestring? 

Punch. {Maintaining his position) Which 
one? 

Madge. Both — so your appearance will not quite 
disgrace us. 

Punch. {Sighing) You're always putting heavy 
responsibilities up to me. {Remaining on stool, 
tying his shoestrings) 

Grace. What's the right name of this great 
friend of yours? {Back of table c.) 

Madge. {Dozvn r. c.) Her name is Letitia 
Willis ! 

Grace, May and Rose. Letitia! {Elevating 
their brozvs) 

Punch. Ye gods ! 

Estelle. What an old-fashioned name ! 

Grace. {Mimicing) A worthy companion to Cy 
Perkins, by heck ! 

May. {Same manner) Straight from Hicksville 
Jtmction ! 



24 



THE NEW CO-ED. 



Rose. On the Boston and Maine — dew tell ! 
EsTELLE. iVn out-of-date, bashful, awkward, 
underfed — and underbred country gawk ! 

(Dick regards Estelle in surprise, then watches 
the others zvith curiosity, in a somezvhaf 
thoughtful mood) 

Madge. (Biting sarcasm) Are you all through ? 
Anything more — you spiteful things ! Everyone of 
you! (To Punch) You too! 

(The girls regard Madge in subdued surprise.) 

Punch. What are you jumping on me for, 
Madgie, love? 

Madge. You ought to be ashamed to have such 
a sister ! 

Punch. (Rising) I am ashamed! 

Madge. Silence! I have the floor! (Punch 
retreats) I will tell you who my friend is — then 
you can say what you please. Letty Willis, is an 
orphan. (All attentive, and serious) Her father 
and mother died when she was a tiny child. She 
lives with her grandparents in a little town — it's not 
on the Boston and Maine — it's a hamlet near 
Schenectady. Letty is a country girl ; she is poor, 
her clothing is plain — some of you may call it — 
cheap. (Looking fixedly at Estelle) — ^out of style ; 
she is a sensitive girl, wnth lofty ideals — she is con- 
siderate of the feelings of others — as a true woman 
should be — she is a lady — (Looking about the 
circle)- — which is more than can be said of some 
persons. She is going to be my room-mate, and I 
intend to light for her, right or wrong ! 

Dick. Bravo ! good for Madge ! 

Punch. Some call! Girls, are we ladies? 

Grace. Ladies and gentlemen 

Rose and May. Present ! 



THE NEW CO-ED. 25 

{The three girls advance dozen-stage in file.) 
Grace. How do we feel? 

(Punch joins the line.) 

Punch. Like a pincushion with rusty safeties 
sticking in me ! 

Dick. (Advancing a step, to Madge) How are 
we to get acquainted with your friend ? 

Punch. What's she up in? 

Madge. Everything that yott are not. (Punch 
looks so crestfallen, the girls laugh at him. To 
Punch) You can't talk to her — poor muddled 
little chap — you have no brains ! 

Punch. If I could only convince father of that! 

Dick. Shall we talk science, botony, chemistry, 
sociology, or art and literature ? 

EsTELLE. (r.) Dick, how absurd ! What would 
a girl from a farm know about art and literature ! 

Punch. (To Estelle) She wouldn't have to 
ride far to beat you. (To all) 'Stell isn't sure who 
wrote Hamlet — and as for art — =she couldn't tell us 
who painted the Gold Dust Twins ! 

(Enter from c. door, George, carrying a suit-case.) 

George. Excuse me, excuse me — (To Madge) 
The lady is here what you was all along expectin' — 
Miss Letitia Willis. 

(Enter c. d.. Miss Rice, accompanied by Lftty 
Willis.) 

Miss Rice. Young ladies, this is Miss Willis 

(All eyes on Letty.) 

Madge. (With a cry of delight) Letty ! (Rush- 
ing to her) 



26 THE NEW CO-ED. 

Letty. Madge ! 

Madge. My darling, dearest Letty ! ( The girls 
embrace hi extravagant fashion) You love — (Kiss- 
ing her) Oh ! Oh ! How gloriously glad I am to 
see you ! 

(Positions for this situation:— -After George an- 
nounces Letty, zvhile he stands near c. d., 
he moves to r. near mantel. Estelle is dozvn- 
stage r. Dick is well over L. dozvn-stage. 
Punch l. of c. dozvn-stage. Madge r. of c. 
in front of couch. May, Grace and Rose, zvho 
have been in line dozvn c. move, at the entrance 
of George, to a position near the piano l. 
When Miss Rice enters and speaks, she moves 
a little to the r. aboz^'e table c, leaving the center 
of the stage clear for the meeting of Madge 
and Letty.) 

Letty. (Affectionately) And I am glad to see 
you Madge, dear. 

Madge. (Excitedly) What must you think of 
me! Missing you at the train — all because of the 
horrible mistake of a stupid boy 

(All have been zvatching Letty, all novo look at 
Punch, zvho shrinks over tozvard Dick, at- 
tempting to hide behind hiin — Dick shoves him 
azvay, glaring at him.) 

Letty. It's just as well, because the train was 
late — terribly late. 

(Punch, once more courageous, sziielling zinth 
pride, advances a step.) 

Madge. (Fussing about Letty) Take off your 
gloves and your hat — (Quickly removing Letty's 
hat) You poor dear — you must be tired and hungry 



THE NEW CO-ED. 2^ 

— will someone have manners enough to take this 
hat ? ( Thrusting it carelessly into Punch's hand — 
he takes it gingerly, not knowing zvhat to do with it, 
George regards Punch zvith a broad grin) 

Letty. Don't fuss, Madge — you know I am 
used to waiting on myself. 

Madge. Aren't you starved and thirsty? — let's 
go to the dining-room — (Thrusting her arm through 
that of Letty, about to turn up c.) 

(All regard Madge in astonishment.) 

All. (Except Miss Rice and George) Madge! 
Punch. Some manners ! Why don't you in- 
troduce us? (Handling the hat in reckless fashion) 

(^Iadge pauses, facing the others, in affected sur- 
prise.) 

Madge. O-h ! do you really want to know my 
friend ? 

Grace. Madge ! don't be mean ! 

Miss Rice. I am sure the young ladies will be 
delighted to make the acquaintance of Miss Willis. 

Punch. Don't forget the young men — that's me. 
(He pinches Punch, zvhich makes him squirm) 

(Madge indicates each one as she introduces them. 
Through all the foregoing scene, Estelle has 
remained r. immovable, regarding Letty with 
steady, critical disapproval.) 

Madge. This is Miss Rice — our dear. Miss Rice, 
the landlady " 

Miss Rice. (In gentle, kindly manner) You are 
welcome to my house, Miss Willis — I shall do all I 
possibly can to make you feel at home. 

Letty. You are very kind. I promise always to 
be in time for breakfast ! 

Madge. This is May and Grace and Rose — they 



2^ THE NEW CO-ED. 

have family names, but goodness me ! we cut those 
long ago ! 

{The three girls greet Letty in a friendly manner.) 

May. {Advancing a step) We've heard heaps 
about you, Miss Willis 

Letty. I must be Letty to you, if you are 

May. I'm May — that, over there, is Grace — - 
{Indicating) — and little Rose, the Rambler 

Letty. {To Grace and Rose) I am so pleased 
to know you all. 

(Punch is azvaiting his turn impatiently, nervously 
tzvirling Letty's hat. Dick, also impatient, 
stands back of Punch.) 

Rose. W^e are going to love you ! I can feel it ! 

May. So do L 

Madge. {Leading Letty to Punch) This — we 
call this Punch — nobody knows why— {Abruptly) 
What are you doing with that hat ! Such abuse ! 
{Taking the hat from Punch, passing it to May, 
who takes it, looking at it critically, then placing it 
on table c.) 

Letty. How do you do, Mr. Punch? 

{The gilds laugh, at zuhich Letty shozvs some 
embarrassment.) 

Madge. Family name, Doolittle — and he lives up 
to his name. 

Letty. I beg your pardon, Mr. Doolittle. 

Punch. It's all right — I'd feel slighted if any- 
body treated me like a human being. {Taking 
Letty by the arm leading her to Estelle. Dick 
attempts to attract Madge's attention — she ignores 
him, turning up-stag e a step. Facing Estelle) 
Let me show you something — would you ever think 



THE NEW CO-ED. 29 

that swell-looking affair is a relative of mine? {In- 
dicating Estelle) Great to look at, ain't she? 

EsTELLE. {With dignity) I am Estelle Doolittle, 
Miss Willis— 

Letty. Letty to you as well as to the others. 

Estelle. {Haughtily) I prefer to call you Miss 
Willis — at least until we are better acquainted. 

Madge. {Indicating George) The blonde over 
there is George Washington Watts ! (George grins 
and chuckles, as Letty bozvs to him) Now. vou 
know all of us! (Dick, ignored, displays great 
impatience) Let's all escort Letty to her room — 
{Taking Letty hy the arm) 

George. Right this way, Missus — -excuse me — 
{Exit c. D. carrying suit-case) 

Miss Rice. There's lots of baggage to take up- 
stairs — '{Advancing toward c. zvith Rose) 

Madge. Punch, there's a job for you. 

Punch. Thanks — I love hard work! {Taking 
Madge ^3,' the arm) 

{Exit Miss Rice and Rose c. door, followed by 
Madge, Letty and Punch, arm, in arm, laugh- 
ing and chatting — follozved hy Grace, May 
and Estelle. The laughter and voices in con- 
^versation outside, gradually die out.) 

Dick. (c. In high indignation) Well! for a case 
of f reezeout — this takes the trophy ! It's a scurvy 
trick! a job — oozing from the brain of that imp, 
Madge Stevens! Ell square it — Ell square it if I 
have to commit a crime! {At table c.) Ell show 
them something — -{Re-enter George, c. door. To 
George, snappy tone) What do you want? 

George. Excuse me, Mr. Dick — Miss W^illis done 
forgottened her hat — {Advancing to table about to 
pick up hat. Dick r. of table, George l.) 

Dick. Hands off ! {His hand on the hat) Notli- 
ing doing! {Seizing the hat recklessly) 



30 THE NEW CO-ED. 

George. (In apprehension) Laws me! Mr. 
Dick — look at the way you's a scrunchin' that hat ! 

Dick. Clear out — (George, amazed) Wait — 
(George stops short) Take that and feel sorry you 
can't find it! {Tossing George a quarter) 

George. {Regarding the money zvith pleasure) 
I reckon that's what they done call embezzlement ! 
I sure am sorr' — I can't find that hat ! {He looks 
iinder a chair, and the table, as he pockets the 
money) 

Dick. I'll show that crowd how to put one over 
on me! Here — {Tossing George another coin) 
Let me see fifty cuts' worth of grief ! 

George. {Comic outhiirst) Oh! oh! I sure am 
bustin' with sorr'! {Up to c. d.) Oh! I nev' can 
find that hat! {Moaning dismally) O-h ! o-h ! 
I'se a hurryin' — Tse a hurry' ! {Exit c. d.) 

Dick. {Regarding hat) Her hat ! Lsn't it cute ! 
(Drazving ont the hatpins) Jupiter! look at the 
bayonets ! ( Thrusting the pins into the hat, cross- 
ing to piano l., where he places hat on top of piano) 
If anybody wants this hat, they will have to capture 
it over armed resistance! {Seating himself at 
piano, he strikes the keys in a reckless, discordant 
fashion., then runs the scale — vocal — if he sings) 
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha ! {Enter Letty 
quickly from c. d., she starts tozvard the table, then 
pauses abruptly as Dick strikes a crashing discord) 
Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah ! 

Letty. I beg your pardon 

(Dick jumps up.) 

Dick. I beg your pardon — {Facing Letty) 

Letty. I am looking for my hat. {Looking 
straight at the hat on piano) 

Dick. {Innocently) Really someone must have 
taken it ! 

Letty. Evidently — since I left it on the table. 



THE NEW CO-ED. 31 

and now — it is on — the piano ! (Smiling, as she 
points to it) 

Dick. (Innocently) You don't mean it ! Is this 
it? (Picking up the hat) 

Letty. Yes. (DicK extends the hat to her) 
Thank you Mr. — Mr. — (Taking hat) 

Dick. Dick Bradley 

Letty. Thank you, Mr. Bradley. 

Dick. You are welcome, Miss — Miss 

Letty. Letty Willis 

Dick. You are welcome Miss Willis. 

Letty. (Crossing a step tozvard r. c.) It is very 
kind of you to help me find it. (Pausing r. of c. 
arranging the trimmings on her hat) 

Dick. (Dozvn l. of Letty) Haven't you lost 
another hat? (Looking aimlessly about) 

Letty. This is the only hat I have ! The girls 
are waiting for me. (Glancing tozvard c. door^ but 
making no m,ove to go) 

Dick. Won't you sit down? (Indicating couch 
R. c.) 

Letty. No — (Crossing to couch r. c.) I must 
go. (Seating herself comfortably on couch) 

Dick. Don't be in a hurry! (Crossing to her) 

Letty. I must ! (Remaining seated) 

Dick. So you're from Schenectady! (Seating 
himself beside Letty) 

Letty. (In surprise) How did you know? 

Dick. (Airily) I guessed! I've won medals 
for guessing — but I don't wear them. 

Letty. I was perfectly terrified at the thought of 
coming here. 

Dick. Are you terrified now? 

Letty. No, indeed ! you have all received me so 
beautifully ! 

Dick. We're a right decent bunch — once in a 
while a rough wave hits us — and there's a scramble 
for the life belts — then the cloud passes, and we 
are all friends again ! 



32 THE NEW GO-ED. 

Letty. Madge has told me about those Httle 
interruptions — isn't Madge splendid ? 

Dick. (Warmly) She certainly is — true blue. 
And Punch — oh, you'll love Punch — I mean, as a 
brother. 

(Enter Estelle c. d., observing Dick and Letty, 
she looks at them in silence and displeasure. 
She gradually makes her way silently, crossing 
to L. door, zuhich she opens — ready to step 
quickly off.) 

Letty. And his sister? 

Dick. Estelle ? 

Letty. She is a very pretty girl. 

Dick. You can afford to say that. But we don't 
want to talk about Estelle 

Letty. The girls are waiting for me — in the 
dining-room. (Rising) 

Dick. (Rising) Let me show you the way. 
(He draws her hand through his arm) This is a 
frightfully old-fashioned house — you'll need a guide 
through the winding passages. 

(Laughing and chatting they both turn up c. As 
they are about to run, Estelle steps quickly 
off L. Letty and Dick proceed up c, talking 
and laughing, and off c. d. Estelle re-enters, 
looking after them in great displeasure.) 

CURTAIN. 



ACT IL 



Scene : — Same as Act L The night of Hallowe'en. 
The room is profusely decorated with Hal- 
lowe'en decorations — grotesque heads, lanterns, 
streamers, and etc. 

At Rise: — Estelle is seated in arm-chdir l. c, 



THE NEW CO-ED. 33 

arranging an ornament, or bozv of ribbon. May 
is seated on the couch r., putting the finishing 
touches to her Hallozve'en costume. Rose is 
seated fiat on the table c. tzvisting some bril- 
liantly colored fiozvers into shape, zvhile Grace 
is sealed at the piano, playing and singing. 
Grace cannot sing, but she persists in trying, 
much to the disgust of the other girls. 

Grace. (Singing, in shrill, unmusical tones) 

'' I pluck this lock of hair from off my head 

To tell whence comes the one that I shall wed. 
Fly, silken hair, fly, all the world around, 
Until you reach the spot where my true love is 
found." 

(As she finishes in a discord, the girls groan.) 

May. Help! 

Rose. Have mercy on us! 

Estelle. Isn't that awful! 

May. Anyone who suffers like that ought to see 
a doctor ! 

Estelle. The S. P. C. A. will get you. 

Grace. (Undisturbed) Don't you care for it? 
(Turning over the sheet of music) 

May. It's worse than a boiler factory ! 

Grace. Perhaps you'll like the next verse better — ■ 
(She strikes the chord and starts again) 

" Last Hallowe'en I looked my love to see " 



(Enter Miss Rice from c. d., carrying sezving 
materials — scissors, etc. — she comes in some- 
ZL'hat excitedly.) 

Miss Rice. (In apprehension) Young ladies! 
what is the matter? I heard a most 
noise ! 



34 THE NEW CO-ED. 

EsTELLE. It's Grace— she's torturing tis — it^s 
time to call a policeman. 

Grace. (IVhirling around on piano stool) Yes, 
it is — to enjoin interference with my Constitutional 
Right — which, imclcr the 'steenth Amendment, gives 
me the right to happiness. 

Rose. Happy ! while we suffer ! 

Miss Rice. I don't understand 

Rose. Grace is suffering from the delusion that 
she can sing. 

May. Whereas, we call it disturbing the peace — 
that's a violation of the Penal Code ! 

Rose. Let's have Grace arrested ! 

(Miss Rice looks alarmed and Jiorrified.) 

Grace. Now the sheriff babbles ! Elear our little 
Portia ! (Risi)ig, crossing to Miss R.ice and throw- 
ing an arm about her) You'll protect me, won't 
you? The fact is, Ricey, they're jealous of my 
voice ! They're afraid I'll reach the operatic stage, 
while they will never get beyond the typewriter ! 

(EsTELLE rises, crossing to piano, zvhich she closes, 
with a bangtail the others jump.) 

EsTELLE. You shall not — not if I must use force ! 

Miss Rice. Dear me ! (A sigh of relief) What 
a relief ! I thought someone was desperately ill ! 

Grace. Oh, Ricey! you're against' me, too! 
{Good-naturedly turning up to R., zvhere she ar- 
ranges a decoration) 

May. {To Miss Rice) Dear, good lady, did you 
bring that tape I asked you for ? 

Miss Rice. {Advancing dozvn-stage) Yes, Miss 
May, here it is. {Giving May a length of tape) 

May. You darling — thanks — sorry I have to 
borrow. {Taking the tape and using it in prepara^ 
tion of whatever she is working on) 



THE NEW CO-ED. 35 

Rose. (To Miss Rice) What about the 
scissors ? I need them in my business. 

May. I hope you don't intend to throw scraps on 
the floor! (Throzviiig a cutting from her zvork, on 
the floor) 

Miss Rice. Here — (Giving scissors to Rose) 
You won't cut wire with them, will you ? 

Rose. Never — it's Grace who does that. (Tak- 
ing scissors, cutting and tossing scraps on floor) 

Miss Rice. (Pausing c.) Who asked for a 
thimble! (Holding it up) 

May. Not me. 

Miss Rice. Was it you, Miss Estelle? 
' Estelle. Nixey. (Dozen to her former position 

L. of C.) 

j\iiss Rice. And somebody wanted pins, and 
black cotton, and hooks a.nd eyes 

Grace. It must have been May. 

Rose. May's workbasket always looks like a 
vacant lot. 

Estelle. (Crossing to table c.) Get up. Rose — 
you're sitting on my book. (Tipping Rose over, 
as she drazvs her book froin under her) Look at 
it! You've fractured the ribs of every character! 
(Dozvn to chair l. c. zvhere she sits, preparing to 
re-ad) 

Rose. (To Estelle) You lazy lizard! Read- 
ing a story when we're all so busy getting ready for 
the Hallowe'en party ! 

Estelle. Bother the party ! 

Grace. (To Estelle) Now don't you spoil our 
blow-out ! 

(IMiss Rice has crossed to piano l. zvhere she is 
arranging the music neatly^ Rose throzjus some 
more scraps on the floor. Presently, Miss Rice 
picks them up zvithout murmuring.) 

Estelle. Have no fear — I won' be there. 



36 THE NEW CO-ED. 

May and Rose. (Surprised) 'Stell ! 

Miss Rice. Dear me ! The young ladies and 
gentlemen will miss you. 

Grace. 'Stell is only faking — she wants to be 
coaxed. 

EsTELLE. I'm not coming — unless I can wear 
what I please, instead of one of those grotesque 
rigs that make you look like clowns ! 

May. I don't mind acting foolish once a year — • 
one gets tired being permanently sensible — don't 
we, Ricey, dear? (Ihrozving her scraps on the 
floor) 

Miss Rice. Yes, Miss May. (Picking up the 
scraps, this time, with a sigh) 

Grace. (At table c.) Seems to me, Estelle is a 
most sensiblest lady — as George Washington Watts 
would say. (Picking up a paper flozver and twisting 
it in her hair) She displays to a marked degree, a 
superlative intelligence, at once commendable and 
refreshing ! 

Estelle. (In irritation) What you really mean 
to say is — you are glad I am not coming. 

Grace. What I really mean to say is — that you 
couldn't stay away — not if you were tied to a post 
in the cellar ! You threatened to remain away from 
the championship game, but you were right in the 
center of the grandstand, when our star pitcher, 
Dick Bradley, shut out the Crescents without a run 
or a hit ! 

Estelle. (With niter est) Wasn't Dick splendid ! 
He said he never could have won if my presence had 
not inspired him ! 

Grace. He said the very same thing to me ! 

(The other girls laugh good-naturedly, while Miss 
Rice, up-stag e, smiles.) 

Rose. I wonder if he said it to Letty Wilhs? 
{Throzving more scraps on the floor, at which the 



THE NFAV CO-ED. 37 

smile fades from Miss Rice's face, and she sighs — 
not picking up the bits, this time) 

]\Iay. Oh, no — Letty is too sensible. 

Grace. Thanks — sweetness. 

Rose. Letty and Dick are great friends, and no 
wonder. Letty has been in College only two months 
and she has scored over everybody. 

Grace. Dick thinks too much of her intelligence 
to talk nonsense. 

EsTELLE. (In irritation, to Grace) Grace, you 
are becoming perfectly unbearable — formerly, you 
were companionable, and a sweet little thing — but 
now, you display atrocious manners, and you are 
developing a spiteful nature that is disgraceful ! 

Grace. (Ironically) Really, Stella, dear! If I 
am such an objectionable insect, I wonder you look 
at me at all ! (At l. of table) 

EsTELLE. What have I done to make you my 
enem)^ ? 

Grace. (Seriously, earnstly) The only enemy 
you have, Stella, is your own envious, jealous 
temper! (The other girls, pause in attention) I 
am saying this for your good because — unless you 
check the little demon, your life is going to be 
wretchedly unhappy. 

Estelle. (Rising quickly, in anger) What do 
you mean by jealous? Of whom should / be 
jealous ! 

May. (Rising, quickly) For heaven's sake, girls, 
stop bombarding ! 

Miss Rice. (In distress) Young ladies, dear 
me — dear me ! 

Rose. 'Stell — why don't you try to be amiable, 
like me? 

Estelle. I'm sick of you — all of you! (Throw- 
ing her book into chair zvith a bang) You all act 
as though you had been hypnotized by Madge and 
her hayseed friend — Letty Willis! 



38 THE NEW CO-ED. 

(Rose gets dozvn from her position on table.) 

Rose. Oh, 'Stell^that's mean ! 
Grace. And Madge is the darhngest girl in the 
college — I've often heard you (Estelle) — say so. 
Es'telle. So I did until I found her out 1 

(iviiss Rice, hack of table c, quietly placing things 
in order.) 

Omnes. (Astonishment) Found her out ! 

Estelle. (Quick) Madge fs a hypocrite ! 

Omnes. Oh! Estelle! How can you ! 

Estelle. (Her indignation increasing) She is ! 
She is completely fascinated by that rustic product- 
that Willis girl— a natural-born, stupid nobody ! 

Grace. Letty isn't stupid — she's wonderfully 
bright ! 

Estelle. (Sarcastically) I see you have fallen - 
under her spell- 



May. She came off first in the algebra exam - 

Estelle. She never would have gotten through 
if Madge hadn't helped her — she was too mean to 
help me five minutes — she wanted me to miss ! 

Grace. I don't believe you really care — except 
that it sent you down a few pegs in the estimation 
of Dick Bradley. 

Estelle. (Bitterly) I'll pay her off for that! 

Miss Rice. (In distress) Oh, dear, dear me! 
I wouldn't think of it. Miss Estelle. ( Turning up to 
CD. where she looks out anxiously) 

Rose. It was Letty who helped Madge, and she 
offered to help you, Estelle, but you refused her in 
the rudest manner — Madge cried about it ! 

Estelle. (Sarcasm) Crocodile tears ! 

Grace. What a fiendish mood you are in, Stella — 
what a turbulent spirit you are — say a little prayer 
for self-control. 

Estelle. (In bitter anger) Why don't you 



TTiF NEW CO-ED. 39 

train for the pulpit ? — you so delight in lecturing 
others ! The Reverend Grace Hunter ! {Making 
Grace an ironical bozv) Perhaps they'd give you a 
parish — and you could scold the congregation every 
Sunday — they couldn't escape, poor things ! 

]May. Oh, girls, don't be hateful! (Crossing to 
EsTELLE, placing an arm about her) Estelle has a 
headache, or a toothache, or something has made 
her cross; isn't it so, dearie? (Leading Estelle 
to L.) She will come to our party because Dick 
will be there, and everything is going to be lovely ! 

Miss Rice. What a sweet peacemaker you are, 
Miss May ! (Picking up the scraps from the floor) 
I asked Mr. Punch to bring some lemonade — it is so 
soothing to the nerves ! 

(Enter Punch c. d. zvitJi pitcher of lemonade.) 

Punch. (Loud tone) Front! Stand aside for 
the United States male ! (Grace, zvho is standing in 
his path, jumps aside) Where do you want this 
champagne? (Placing it on table) Am I a good 
boy ? Yes, Punch, you are. Hear, hear ! Step right 
up, ladies, and don't forget to pay your checks to 
the cashier — right here ! (Lndicating himself) 

Grace. Punch, do you ever have a lucid moment ? 

Punch. Yes — when Em asleep, and then I don't 
feel it. 

Rose. Em terribly thirsty — won't somebody pour 
me a drink? 

Punch. You'll have to drink from the pitcher! 
(About to lift pitcher) 

Grace. (Preventing him) Punch! have a little 
manners ! 

Punch. I have as little as I can ! 

Rose. The idea of drinking from the pitcher ! 
(Regarding Punch indignantly) 

Punch. Don't we all bathe in the same ocean? 
Or perhaps you have your own private Atlantic! 



40 THE NEW CO-ED. 

Grace. (^Holding pitcher) What shall we do ! 
Punch. Stand still while I run and fetch a mug ! 
{Starting tozvard c. door) 

{Enter from c. d. George, with several tumblers.) 

George. Excuse me, Miss Rice, an' Mr. Punch — 
you done forgottened all 'bout them glasses — I 
reckon the young ladies ain't noways used to drink- 
in' out of a pitmp ! {Advancing, placing glasses on 
table, zvhere Grace placed the pitcher. Miss Rice 
dozun to back of table, pours lemonade. George re- 
tires a step up-stag e) 

Punch, (r. of table) Give me the biggest glass 
because I have the biggest thirst ! 

(Miss Rice pours lemonade, Punch reaches for it, 
zvhen Grace, zvho is l., takes it, ignoring 
Punch, she passes the glass politely to Estelle 

L.) 

Grace. Here Dickie dewdrop ! 
Estelle. Not any. 

(May takes the glass, and again offers it to Estelle^ 

zi^ho consents to take a sip. Miss Rice fills a 

' glass for Grace, zvho takes it; another for 

Rose, then she pours zvhat is left into the last 

glass — filling it about half.) 

Miss Rice. It seems quite short — ^you didn't 
make enough. 

Rose. You get left. 

Punch. That wouldn't have happened if you 
had served me first. Never mind — Ell stimulate 
with a little tonic 1 ( Taking a flask from his pocket) 

Grace. 

Here's to Hallowe'en, drink her down, drink her 

down 

Here's to Hallowe'en, drink her down 



THE NEW CO-ED. 41 

Punch. 

Here's to Hallowe'en, drink her down 

(^He fakes glass from table and fills it from flask) 

(Miss Rice observes the flask in horror.) 

Rose. Punch ! 

EsTELLE. {Sternly, to Punch) Punch Doolittle, 
what is that? 

(Miss Rice throzvs up her hands in horror, zvhile 
George grins broadly, rolling his eyes as he 
zvatches Punch.) 

Punch. (Calmly) Darling sister, this is arnica! 
(He continues to fill the glass) For that pain in- 
side. Drink her down — drink her down ! (Drink- 
ing) 

May. (In horror) Punch ! You'll poison your- 
self ! 

Punch. (Airily) What do I care — I'll make 
a beautiful corpse ! 

EsTELLE. I shall write to father this very night ! 

Punch. You better keep away from my father — 
he hates people w^ho complain about his little boy 
Punch. 

Miss Rice. (In distress) Of course I am not 
complaining, Mr. Doolittle — but my people are Tem- 
perance people — we have never had anything in the 
house resembling — spirits ! (Eyeing the bottle in 
horror) 

Punch. (In business-like tone) Miss Rice, this, 
is not a spirit — it bears no relation to anything 
ghostly or ghastly — the truth is — it is Root Beer! 
George Washington Watts, is that true? 



42 THE NEW CO-ED. 

George. (Solemnly) It am, Mr. Punch; it am, 
I swear! (Holding up left hand) 

Miss Rice. (To George, indignantly) George, 
I forbid you to swear in my house ! 

George. Yes'm — (Lozvering his hand) I takes 
back that swear ! ■ 

Miss Rice. You say it is Root beer ? 

Punch. I said it. 

Miss Rice. I used to know a family by the name 
of Root — but they all died many years ago! (Sigh- 
ing) 

Punch. That^s it ! They've been buried so long, 
they've sprouted ! And now we get this exquisite 
beverage by the name of Root ! (Regarding her 
with great importance) 

Miss Rice. A memorial ! How touching ! 

Punch. Yes — it is touching. (Drinking) Drink 
her down ! 

George. A touching, peaceable sentiment ! 
Amen ! , , 

Miss Rice. Come, George, I have something for 
you to do ! (Taking pitcher, exits c. d.) 

George. Yes'm — I'm a hurryin' ! (Proceeding 
lazily to c. door), Excuse me while I pop de pop- 
corn ! Popcorn am such a nice peaceable vegetable ! 
(Chuckling) Dis am goin' to be a highly swell 
party, Mr. Punch, 'deed it am ! (Exit c. d. Sing- 
ing) Drink her down ! Drink her down! 

Grace. (At table, smelling the glass used by 
Punch) Sarsaparilla ! 

Rose. And poor Ricey nearly in fits ! 

Punch. (Singing gaily) Drink her down! 
Drink her down ! 

May. Now, that you have done all the mischief 
you can here, go gather the clans. 

Rose. Bring the apples and cabbage. 

Grace. Punch will do for a cabbage-head ! 

Punch. Thanks ! (Rushing toward c. d. — then 
pausing^) I once visited a lunatic asylum — one of 



THE NEW CO-ED. 43 

the bugs looked me over and exclaimed — '' what a 
beautiful landscape ! " {He rushes off c. d. while 
the others laugh) 

EsTELLE. (Advancing to c.) Girls — girls — I 
have something to show you ! (Beckoning the other 
girls to her as she draws a letter from her pocket) 

Omnes. What is it? 

(They gather about her, leaning on each other's 
shoulders.) 

Rose. A letter ! 

May. Who's it from? 

Grace. What's it about? 

EsTELLE. It's about that rural— Letty Willis — 
it's from a lawyer in Schenectady — I've been in- 
vestigating — her past ! 

(The girls stare in amazeinent.) 

May. 'Stell! 

Rose. You talk like a problem playl 

EsTELLE. Just as I am expected! (Consulting 
letter) Mr. Gray says that he has investigated most 
carefully ; he learns that the Willis family is nobody. 
There is a grandma and a grandpa, and — think of it, 
girls — they do their own work — even the washing ! 
And raise their own potatoes — because they are too 
poor to buy them! And the old folks sell the com- 
monest sort of vegetables to get money for Letty's 
tuition ! No wonder she looks such a fright ! And 
that's the sort of a girl Madge Stevens wants us to 
receive as an equal ! 

May. Madge is a radical commonor. 

Rose. Says we are all equal in the sight of 
heaven ! 

EsTELLE. This isn't heaven ! 

Grace. Indeed, it isn't — sometimes it's a good 
deal like the other place. 



44 THE NEW CO-ED. 

May. Perhaps Letty expects to graduate with 
high honors, and then turn her education to advan- 
tage. 

Rose. .Pay back, and so on, and so forth. 

Grace. Of course that's the plan — and she'll 
beat us to it. ^ 

EsTELLE. What right has she to want a college 
career? — while her poor old grandparents slave to 
support her ! She ought to be working in a 
factory ! 

May. I can't imagine Letty in a factory ! 

Rose. Perhaps she expects to marry some rich 
chap and wipe out the score in one stroke ! 

Estelle. That's her game ! 

Grace. Who in the world would she capture? 

May. Most anybody — haven't you noticed how 
the boys adore her? 

Rose. I've noticed Dick Bradley — (A step to- 
zvard r.) — And Dick's people just wallow in 
money ! 

Estelle. (Sternly) She shall not catch him — 
not if I have to warn him myself. Not if I have to 
tell him that she is an unscrupulous adventuress, 
without a dollar to her name ! 

May. It is hard on you, 'Stell. 

Rose. Dick used to be awfully sweet to you — 
(Meaning Estelle) 

May. Before Letty came 

Grace. Dick has a strong will — he knows his 
own mind. 

Estelle. (Sharply) No man knows his own 
mind when a cunning woman is playing on his 
vanity ! 

May. Gracious ! It begins to look foggy ! 

Estelle. (Earnestly) We have been friends 
and students here for three years — and I expect 
you girls to stand by me. A/ladge insisted on invit- 
ing that country gawk to our party, but we can 
make her uncomfortable. 



THE NEW CO-ED. 45 



May. Dick's coming, and all the worthwhile 
boys. 

EsTELLE. (Determined) Something must be 
done to-night. 

Rose. Heavens ! It's like a plot ! 

Grace. (Close to Estelle) Shall we tell Dick 
you love him ? 

Estelle. (Indignantly) Don't you dare! 

Grace. Are you engaged to him? (Picking up 
Estelle's hand, looking for a ring) 

Estelle. I expect to be. (Jerking her hand 
azvay) 

Grace. Oh! Is that all! (Turning azvay) I 
expect to be President — when re-incarnation sets 
in. 

May. Girls, it's really serious, and I sympathize 
with Estelle. 

Rose. Me too. 

May. I've been in love myself — ever so many 
times — and it's awfully excruciating when the ob- 
ject of your dreams gives you the go-bye! 

Estelle. You are darlings. May and Rose. 
(An arm about each girl) Remember, we are now 
allies — Grace may com.e in too — (Looking at 
Grace, smiling) 

Grace. (Standing aside) I'm neutral — I do 
not intend to violate the treaty of common sense, 
by tying up to a sore-head ! (Looking at Estelle 
steadily ) 

Rose and May. (In amazement) Why, 
Gracie ! how catty ! 

Estelle. Never mind — first we'll snub that 
WilHs girl — she won't be dressed decently for the 
occasion — that will throw her in the shade — / have 
a lovely dress for to-night ! 

Rose. You always have lovely dresses. 

Estelle. (Laughing, pleased) Then — then I'll 
think of something else, or, perhaps, she will dis- 
grace herself — I hope she will. 



46 THE NEW CO-ED. 

(Punch rushes in c. d. followed by Dick 
Bradley.) 

Punch. Here's one of the young-sters, and 
there's more of 'em downstairs — on the steps, in 
the hall, on the stoop, and coming up the lane ! 

May. (Quickly) Where's the cabbage ! 

Punch. I forgot it! (Rushing off c. d.) 

Dick. Here is my contribution ! (Drawing a 
small box from his pocket) 

Omnes. (In delight) Oh, Dick ! show me — ■ 
show us! (They crozud about him, eager to in- 
spect contents of the box) 

Dick. (Laughi?ig) Nothing doing — curiosity 
bugs ! Not until we get to the games ! This is a 
prize ! 

Omnes. (In delight) I wonder what it is — ■ 
O-h-h-oh ! (All eyes on box) 

Estelle. Good-evening Dick ! 

Dick. Hello, Estelle! 

(Enter Madge qitickly from c. d. ; she wears 
Hallozve'en costume, and carries a box about the 
sice of a shozv box.) 

Madge. Hello, freshmen — the crew is all here. 
(Down to table c.) Everybody accepted the invita- 
tion and brought something! Look! (Opening 
box) 

Omnes. (In delight) Oh! 

Rose. What darling little sandwiches! (Look- 
ing in box) 

Dick. (Lifting one, very small) Does a spy- 
glass go with it? (Laughing , as he retitrns it to 
box) 

Madge. Shame, Dick 1 You are supposed to eat 
a hearty meal — at home — before you go visiting ! 
(Covering box) But, oh, girls! What do you 
think — Ricey has revolted ! Put her foot down 



THE NEW CO-ED. 47 

flat ! Says we must eat in the dining-room instead 
of all over the house ! 

EsTELLE. That's mean ! 

Madge. {To Estelle) Why, 'Stell, I thought 
you weren't coming? 

Dick. Of course she is — {Turning fo Estelle) 
I'd miss you awfully 

Estelle. {Pleased) Good of you to say so — ■ 
spare me a moment while I slip on another frock. 

Dick. You always look lovely 

Estelle. {Highly pleased) I'm going to wear 
that gown 3^ou like so much — {Crossing to l. door) 

Dick. {Dozvn c.) Oh, yes — that pink thing 

Estelle. No, Dick — it's blue ! 

Dick. -Of course — {LaugJiing) I always con- 
fuse pink and blue — but you look stunning no mat- 
ter what you wear ! 

Estelle. I'm so pleased you think so ! {Nod- 
ding to him, she exits quickly l.) 

Madge. {Advancing dozvn to r. of Dick) 
Dick, you'll have to cut it ! 

Dick. All right — you mean the cake? 

Madge. I mean the compliments — you toss at 
Estelle! (Dick regards her in great surprise) 
Estelle misunderstands them — unless you are really 
serious. 

Dick. Pooh-pooh — tush-tush, little one ! 

Madge. Estelle thinks you are in love with her. 

Dick. About as much as I am with Castor Oil. 

Madge. She takes everything seriously, and be- 
lieves all your compliments. 

Dick. Those old compts I've been working for 
thirty-seven years ! Stuff ! I say them to every- 
body — even to you — and heaven knows, I'm not in 
love with you ! 

Madge. I'm glad to hear it, although it's rude 
of you to brag about it ! I don't believe you are 



48 THE NEW CO-ED. 

truthful. (A step nearer) Wouldn't it be dif- 
ferent with Letty? 

Dick. (Sharply) Letty! Mind your own busi- 
ness, Madge — you're as fresh as mud in the coun- 
try ! What I say to Letty is my affair — ^mine ! 

Madge. It's mine, too, because Letty i^ under 
my protection — I'm her special policeman, and I'm 
on duty every minute ! (Regarding Dick defiantly^ 
but good-naturedly ) 

(Punch rushes in c. d. zvith a pan of apples.) 

Punch. Here's the cabbage 1 (He fosses them 
all about the floor) 

Omnes. Oh, Punch — you crazy Punch! 

May. Will you fetch the cabbage? 

Punch. I forgot it! (He slams the pan on his 
head, and rushes out c. d. Enter Letty c. d. as 
Punch is going out — they nearly collide) Excuse 
me — drink her down — drink her down ! 

(Punch rushes off, as Letty advances, laughing.) 

Rose. What shall we do with the apples? 

(All the girls busy picking up the apples.) 

Madge. We are going to play snap apple — that 
means a lot of apples in a tub of water, and the one 
selected by the crowd must dive for them ! 

Dick. And fall in — that would suit Punch ! 

Madge. But we'll have to play it in the laundry, 
because Miss Rice will not let us have a wash-tub 
in the parlor ! 

Grace. Isn't that mean ! 

Rose. Ricey is on the war-path ! 

May. She's suspicious since Punch sprung that 
Root beer joke ! 



THE NEW CO-ED. 49 

(Punch rushes in c. d. zvith a very large cab- 
bage.) 

Punch. Here's the water-melon ! 
Grace. At last ! Now, Ell fix the cabbage 
patch ! Where shall we have it ? 

Madge. Over there where Dick is — Dick, get 

out of the way ! 

(Punch jerks Dick aside, zvhile Grace places the 
cabbage on the floor, zvell dozvn l.) 

Rose. How do we play this game? 

Madge. At a signal, everybody rushes for the 
cabbage ! Then we all tackle the one who gets it, 
and begin tearing it apart ! The one who gets the 
most leaves, will marry first 

Punch. And often ! 

Madge. The first number will be the opening 
chorus — everybody must go after that — and return 
in proper attire for the games ! 

Punch. I want to play the ghost? Where's my 
sheet? (Rushing out c. d. Change to Hallozve'en 
costume) 

Madge. Help me! (Dick quickly takes hold 
of one end of c. table, Madge the other, they move 
it over to r.) Dick, you can be announcer! 

Dick. Ladies and gentlemen, the Glee Club will 
now entertain us with choice selections ! 

(Note: — If desired, the number to be sung may 
be announced. 

{Enter c. d., a number of the students, boys and 
girls, in Hallozve'en costumes. They sing, and 
render any specialties desired. At conclusion 
of this exercise, all march off, including all the 
characters, except Dick and Letty. Madge, 
Grace and May change to Hallozve'en cos- 
tumes.) 



50 THE NEW CO-ED. 

Dick, (c.) What a noisy mob ! I don't care 
much for this kind of a scramble — do you? 

Letty. (r. of c.) It is all new to me, and they 
are so happy ! 

Dick. (Light tone) It is easy to be happy ! 

Letty. {Thonqhtfnlh) Yes — for some peo- 
ple, Mr. Bradley^— 

Dick. (Quickly) Now, don't call me Mr. 
Bradley- • 

Letty. (Looking at him) You are Mr. Brad- 
ley. 

Dick. (Another step forzvard) I am Dick — 
I told you that before. 

Letty. I must have — 'forgotten it. 

Dick. It's an awful sin to becomes absent- 
minded. (Looking at Letty) 

Letty. I suppose I commit lots of sins — Madge 
says so. 

Dick. (Ln irritation) Does Madge dare find 
fault with you! 

Letty. Oh, yes. We have an " Own-up " Club 
— it meets every night — we tell our faults, and 
Aladge is the judge — she's elected for three months 
— she pronounces some terrific sentences — didn't 
you know ? 

Dick. (In comic amazement and indignation) 
Well, of all the dastardly — why, that's worse than 
arson! Madge, eh ! I suppose Madge invented it, 
Madge runs it, and Madge bosses the whole diabol- 
ical scheme ! 

Letty. It isn't diabolical — it's beautiful and 
holy — it means right thinking and a clear con- 
science — or Madge will search us out, and send us 
to the block ! (A light laugh as she turns tozvard 
couch R.) - 

Dick. ' A sort of fraternal confessional — but 
you never have any sins to confess ! (Advancing 
tozvard Letty) 

Letty. Indeed, I have! (Sinking on couch) 



THE 'NEW CO-ED. 51' 

Sometimes I get terribly discouraged, and then I 
complain about everything ! 

Dick. Discouraged? (Sifting beside her) 

Letty. I may be obliged to leave college. 
(SighiiH/) . 

Dick. (Li surprise and apprehension) Leave! 
Before the end of the term ! 

Letty. Yes — I am wholly dependent upon my 
grandparents — it is too great a sacrifice for them. 

Dick. (Thoughtfully) I see. (Looking 
azvay) 

Letty. If I did not cost them so much, they 
might sell the. little farmhouse and move into the 
town, where they would not have to work so hard 
— I could go back to them and find employment — 
in a store or somewhere — and take care of them ! 

Dick. In a store ! That would be awful 
drudgery for you — it is impossible to think of it ! 

Letty. Oh, no, it isn't, Mr. Bradley 

Dick. (Correcting — firmly) Dick! 

Letty. I mean — Dick. 

Dick. That's better. But you must drop the 
other plan — it is suicide for you and it's — (loftily) 
— it's treason to me! (Letty regards him in as- 
tonisJuncnt. Solemn fi.rmness) Yes, it's treason 
— and that's a monstrous crime ! You promised to 
be my friend to the end of the term, and now you 
threaten to break the contract before Christmas ! 

Letty. I could still be your friend. 

Dick. Not in Schenectady — you would forget 
all about me. 

Letty. (Earnestly) Please don't say that. 

Dick. (Rising — stubbornly) I will say it — I 
take no such risk ! Grandparents can sell the farm 
— (vaguely) — they'll get an immense price for it 
- — real estate is on the boom, now — why ! They'll 
be rich enough to live without working! 

Letty. (Smiling) It is kind of you to look at 
it so optimistically — but they^ could never get very 



52 THE NEW CO-ED. 

much for our little house. (Drazving a small photo- 
graph from her belt) See — what a tiny ram- 
shackle place it is ! 

Dick. {Dropping on couch, looking at picture) 
Is that your home? {Looking at it earnestly) 

Letty. Yes — the roof leaks, the front steps sag 
in a most threatening manner, and the plastering in 
the parlor yawns like a sleepy old man ! 

Dick. {Studying picture) It looks picturesque. 

Letty. It is pretty in spite of the dilapidation 
— there are shrubs and flowers of which grand- 
father is so proud ! and trees — some of them 
more than one hundred years old ! But one cannot 
live on trees! {Sighing) 

Dick. And broad acres of fertile land — as they 
say in the advertisements — that's what gets the 
money. 

Letty. {In surprise) Do you really think any- 
one would buy it ? 

Dick. Do I ? — why, there are people who would 
jump at it! You leave it to me! {Absent- 
mindedly placing the picture in his pocket) I'll 
find you a customer inside of thirty days ! {Ris- 
ing) 

Letty. {Joyfully) O-h! Dick! {Pausing 
abruptly at her ozun enthusiasm) 

Dick. That's right! {Taking both her hands) 
That's the way I want you to say it — as if you 
mean it ! 

.{Enter Estelle, who has on party dress, from l., 
quickly; she pauses abruptly as she observes 
Dick and Letty.) 

Estelle. Oh! I beg your pardon! (Dick and 
Letty tiirn tozvard Estelle, Dick still holding one 
of Letty's hands. To Lett% friendly) Aren't 
you going to dress for the party ? 

Dick. {To Estelle, in irritation) You're al- 



THE NEW CO-ED. 53 

ways thinking about clothes ! Bother ! (Releasing 
Letty) There are more serious things in this 
world than frills ! ( To l. of c. Letty crosses to 
R. — EsTELLE looks after Dick) 

(EsTELLE abruptly crosses to the table, which has 
been moved to r.) 

EsTELLE. I'm dying to see your prize ! {Her 
hand on box on table) 

Dick. I'll show it to you and Letty! {Going to 
the table, he picks up the box and opens it — 
EsTELLE to L. of Dick) But you must promise not 
to tell the others. 

EsTELLE. Of course I promise — {Looking at 
Letty) Miss Willis can speak for herself. 

Letty. (r.) I promise — Dick, 

(Estelle looks sharply at Letty as she says: 

"DlCK.^^) 

Dick. There! {He opens the box and takes 
from it a small jezvel-box containing a handsome 
ring, which he displays) 

Estelle. {hi surprise and pleasure) Oh, Dick! 

Letty. How very beautiful! 

Estelle. Are you really going to give it as a 
prize? 

Dick. {Indifferently) Surely — ^think it's good 
enough ? 

Estelle. It's lovely — exquisite! 

Dick. Madge threatened to have me expelled 
unless I gave something extra nice for the cabbage 
trick ! 

Estelle. I hope I win it ! How about you, 
Miss Wilhs ? 

Letty. I hope you do ! 

Estelle. {To Letty, in surprise) Don't 3^ou 
want it ? 



54 THE NEW CO-ED. 

Letty. I should love it — ^but — I am not veiy 
lucky. 

EsTELLE. Madge will scream with delight. 
(Dick gives her the ring, zuhich she replaces in 
original wrappings) Are you going to leave it 
here? (Looking at table) 

Dick. Certainly — on the table. (Crossing to 

L. of C.) 

EsTELLE. Don't you think it risky — such a 
valuable ring? (Crossing to table r. zvith box) 

Dick. I don't care much for that insinuation, 
Estelle — I never heard of anything disappearing in 
this house. 

Estelle. Indeed? Why, I lost a bracelet only 
last week ! 

Dick. (In surprise) Is that so? 

Estelle. I didn't make a fuss about it — but, 
it's gone. (To Letty) Have you missed any- 
thing, Miss Wilhs? 

Letty. No — I don't own anything valuable. 

Estelle. Oh ! then of course you are secure. 
(Looking at Letty zvith a disagreeable smile, as 
she leaves the box on table) , 

(Enter Punch c. d. followed by all the others, 
including a number of students. All in 
Hallozve'en costumes, which may be as gro- 
tesque as desired.) 

Punch. Here we are — thirty-five strong! 

Note : — Make this any number desired) 

Omnes. Three cheers for our Madgie ! (In 
boisterous manner, they whirl Madge about) Three 
cheers for Punch ! (Same bus. — zvhirling Punch 
about) 

Punch. Madge wouldn't let me play ghost — • 
she said I'm too fat ! 

(All laugh.) 



THE NEW CO-ED. 55 

Omnes. Three cheers for our Dick! 

EsTELLE. (Quick) Wait! (All pause) Dick 
deserves three times three cheers — as you will agree 
when you see his beautiful prize ! 

Omnes. (Boisterously) Show us, Dick — what 
is it? Give us a look, old boy — etc. 

Dick. You embarrass me — I'm too bashful ! 

EsTELLE. Let me show them! (Quickly open- 
ing box, displaying ring) Here it is — a diamond 
ring ! 

Omnes. (Loud exclamations of delight) Oh! 
What a beauty ! Isn't it a shiner ! Big as a head- 
light ! Some ring ! Dick, you're a dandy, etc. 
(Crozvding about Estelle to inspect the ring) ' 

Madge, (r.) Dick, I'm so delighted, I could 
cry ! 

Rose. What must we do to win it ? 

Madge. Let's play cabbage first ! 

Omnes. Yes — yes — cabbage first! cabbage 
first! (All talking and laughing) 

Punch. Madgie, tell us how. 

(All quiet zvhile Madge is speaking.) 

Madge. First, we all go out of the room, then, 
we blindfold our eyes ; then, one of the crowd 
comes in and moves the cabbage — then the room 
is empty, except for tlie one who moved the cab- 
bage — we all rush in, hunt for the cabbage, and 
when we find it, we tear it to pieces — and the one 
wdio gets the most leaves 

Dick. Gets the ring ! 

May. Oh ! how easy ! 

Grace. Wait until you try it — you'll change 
your mind. 

Omnes. (Boisterous) 1 hope I win — and I — 
and I — etc. 

Grace. Who is going to move the cabbage? 



56 THE NEW CO-ED. 

Madge. As it is Dick's prize, he should say. 

Dick. Thanks — I appoint Miss WilHs. 

Omnes. Lett}/ ! (All look at her in some sur- 
prise, EsTELLE showing disappointment) 

Madge. Fine ! Come on, chummies — everybody ! 
(Qnickly leading the way out c. d. ; the others 
noisly crozvding after her) Remember — ^no spy- 
ing! 

{All exit c. D. hoisferonsly. Instead of following 
the crozvd, Letty exits r. door, and Estelle 
goes to L. door, but not off the stage; she pauses 
a second after opening the door, and as the 
others disappear, she advances quickly and 
cautiously to table. She quickly takes the ring 
from the box, replacing the box on table, and 
goes quickly off l. Loud laughter outside, then 
diminish. Enter Letty from, r. She goes 
quickly to cabbage which she inoves over to R. 
on the floor — then, she turns up to R. of c. d. 
calling off ) 

Letty. All read}^ — come and find the cabbage ! 

{In confusion and noisy manner, they all rush in 
c. D. all blindfolded. Enter Estelle from l. 
blindfolded. They begin the hunt for the cab- 
bage — stumbling against each other, laughing — ■ 
etc. Finally, Punch stumbles over the cab- 
bage, and tumbles in a heap.) 

Punch. I've got it ! I've got it 1 {With a yell 
of triumph, they all start after Punch, and tear 
the cabbage to pieces, each one making sure to get 
the leaves called for in the count, or if they fail to 
do this, in the scramble, count only zvhat each one 
secures. The cabbage is quickly stripped of leaves, 
and Punch is left zvith the stalk) I win! I win! 
{Holding up the stalk) 



THE NEW CO-ED. 57 

{All strip off the bandages and laugh ai. Punch.) 

Madge. Count your leaves girls — don't let the 
boys beat you ! 

May. (Counting her leaves) One, two — isn't 
that mean ! (Pouting) 

Rose. (Counting) One, two, three and a half — 

Grace. (Counting) One, two and an eighth. 

(All laugh.) 

Dick. What about you, Madge? 

Madge. Nothing doing. (Displaying a shred of 
a leaf) 

Dick. And Letty? (Looking at her) 

Punch. She didn't even try. 

Madge. Look at Estelle — what a bunch! (In- 
dicating Estelle) 

Estelle. (c. throzving leaves on the floor as she 
counts) One, two, three, four, five, six — 

Omnes. (Loud) 'Stell wins ! 'Stell wins ! (All 
cheer) 

Dick. Estelle gets the ring. 

Estelle. Oh — do I really ! (7;^ affected display 
of pleasure) 

Dick. (Quickly to table where he picks up box 
and hands to Estelle) Allow me to present it, 
with the compliments of the class ! 

Omnes. Hurrah ! 

Estelle. (Slowly opening box) How shall I 
ever thank you? — it's so unexpected — (She opens 
the box, and finds it empty. Startled, exclamation) 
O-h! 

Omnes. (Startled) What's the matter? 

Estelle. The ring is not here ! 

Omnes. (Consternation) What — ! (Crowd- 
ing forzvard) 

Estelle. (Quickly) You all saw me replace it 
in the box ! 



58 THE NEW CO-ED. 

Omnes. (Loud and confident) Of course we 
did! 

EsTELLE. It's gone! (Staring at empty box) 

Dick. Look in the paper — it must have shpped 
out. (Quickly examining wrappings) 

EsTELLE. No, Dick — the ring is gone. (All 
astonished. Slowly) Someone has taken it! 

Dick. This knocks me, folks — but we're not 
going to cry about it ! (To Estelle) I will send 
you another ring ! 

Estelle. Dick, that's kind of you, but it's not 
fair! 

Dick. (In surprise) Why not? 

Estelle. It is our duty to find the thief! (To 
all) Am I right! 

Omnes. (Loud and firm) Yes — yes! 

Dick. (Sternly) Right or wrong, I object to 
the word, thief ! Don't say it again — any of you ! 
(To Estelle) You shall have the prize you — 
won — if you never speak of this again ! 

Estelle. Why not? 

Dick. It is for the honor of the class ! 

CURTAIN. 



ACT III. 

Scene : — Same as Acts I and II. The room has 
been cleared of the former decorations. A 
fezv class flags, if desired, and some Autumn 
leaves, in vases on mantel — if available. The 
center-table and couch have been removed. A 
long table, or library table nozv stands r. of c. 
Several light chairs about the table. Center of 
the stage clear. The Dramatic Association of 
the college is about to hold an election and biisi- 



THE NEW CO-ED. 59 

ness meeting. On the table, a gavel, some writ- 
ing-paper, or pads, pencil, quite a collection of 
play books, in paper covers, and a ballot-box. 
TJiis may be a pasteboard box, zvith a slit in 
the top. 

At Rise: — George Washington Watts, is c, a 
play book in his hand, which he is regarding 
zvith great interest. 

George. Das' a beau'ful play — by the name o' 
Hamlet ! I cert'ly does admire that play — it's got 
so much excitement in it — some kind of a murder 
goin' on every minute — jes' like movin' pictures ! 
This the part I like — dis right here — (Striking pose 
and about to recite) 

" To be or not to be '* 



(Punch rushes in c. d.) 

Punch. Am I in time? I said Pd be in time 
this time, if I had to come at 3 A. M. Hello, 
George. {Down r. of George) There is going to 
be a business meeting of the Dramatic Club — {Look- 
ing at his zvatch) — called for eight o'clock — it is now 
7 : 30 and nobody here ! What's the answer ? 

George, (l. of c.) Laws ! I dunno, Mr. Punch ! 

Punch. What are you holding in your fist? 
{Advancing tozvard George) 

George. {Embarrassed) 'Tain't nothin' ! 

Punch. I know better — {Taking book from 
George) — it's a book, — a play book 

George. {Uneasily) I was jes' a readin' it, Mr. 
Punch ! Laws ! I does love them the-a-rat-ical 
plays ! 

Punch. Most of us have the dramatic instinct — 
look at me ! Pm going to have a great part in the 
next college play ! 



6o THE NEW CO-ED. 

George. (With great interest) You is? Is you 
goin' to play Hamlet? 

Punch. Nix — I'm going to play the skull! 
(George rolls his eyes in amazement) It's an easy 
part — very little stVLdy— (Abruptly) Alas, poor 
Yorick, I knew him well ! 

George. Yorick ! I nev' did hear o' him ! 

Punch. (Reading) He was a man of infinite 
jest 

George. Jest like you — always kidding' ! 
(Chuekling) 

Punch. (Comic severity) Silence, rogue! 
While I speak me spooch ! 

George. (Advancing, zvith interest) Mr. 
Punch — is you a actor? 

Punch. (Melodramatic) Do I look like an 
actor ? Do I act like an actor ? No ! I look like a 
clown and I act like a boob ! Me an actor ! You 
insult a great profession ! (Slamming the hook on 
the table r.) 7:45 and no one here! (Looking at 
his zvatch) This meeting stands adjourned! 
(Starting for c. d.) 

(Enter Jim Young c. d. He is a studious-looking 
man, rather older than the others. He carries 
the Minute book.) 

Young. Well ! Punch ! (Looking at him in sur- 
prise) You're on time! 

Punch. I'm ashamed of myself for coming so 
early — I'm going outside and come in late ! 

Young. George, bring a pitcher of water — we 
get dry — talking. 

George. Yes, Mr. Young — I'se a hurryin' ! 
(Going lazily out c. d.) 

(Enter Estelle from l. She carries a small 
account book.) 



THE NEW CO-ED. 6i 

Punch. {To Estelle) Hello, ice wagon! 
{Quickly up to c. d.) Excuse me, while I tease the 
cat! {Rushing off c. d.) 

(Young r. of c. Estelle advances to c.) 

Young. Good-evening, Estelle. 

Estelle. Air. Young — here is the list of names 
to be presented for nomination. {Handing book to 
Young, zvho opens it, reading) You know I am 
Chairman of the Committee on Nominations. 

Young. Are these the names of new members 
who seek admission to the Dramatic Association ? 

Estelle. Yes ? 

Young. Do you approve of all these candidates ? 

Estelle. All but one — (Young looks at her 
inquiringly) Letty Willis! 

Young. {Inquiringly) Letty? 

Estelle. Of course she is Madge's candidate, 
but I shall prevent her election. 

Young. Why so ? 

Estelle. We will not admit to membership a 
girl we all believe is dishonest. 

Young. The incident of the ring? 

Estelle. Yes. {A step to l.) 

Young. There is no sound reason for your 
suspicion ? 

Estelle. Why, Mr. Young, how can you say 
that? She was the only one who could have taken 
it — she was alone in the room, and the ring disap- 
peared. I think it most unfair of Dick to refuse 
to investigate — it brings us all under suspicion. 

Young. I thought Dick acted most generously — - 
he offered to replace the ring 

Estelle. I could not accept his offer. 

Young. Dick is very jealous of the good name 
of our class. 

Estelle. So am I — {Crossing to r. of c.) — 



6.2 THE NEW CO-ED. 

That's why Dick should clear us. I'm going to 
speak to him about it. 

Young. I wouldn't: — it's a sore point with Dick. 
{Crossing to l. c.) 

EsTELLE. Why should he resent an inquiry? 
All the others invite it. We don't want to be sus- 
pected of theft 1 

(Enter Dick c. d.) 

Dick. (To Young) Hello, old grind I Ready 
for business? (Dozvn c.) 

Young, (l.) In a few moments. 

Dick. (c. to Estelle) What's the matter, 
Estelle? You look peevish. 

Estelle. (r.) Dick, it's that ring that I cannot 
forget — the way it disappeared. 

Dick. I asked you never to speak of it 

Young. Estelle feels that the mystery should be 
cleared up — sonie of the others feel the same about 
it.' 

Dick. (To Young) Do they? Are you one of 
them ? 

Young. Well, it is a slur on all of us 

Dick. Why so? Don't you think it would be 
worse if we compelled some boy or girl to stand 
forth and say — " 1 am guilty ! " ? 

Estelle. But you could inquire, secretly. 

Dick. On the sneak ! (Sternly) That's not my 
nature. 

Estelle. (An outburst of indignation) You 
don't want to know ! You are shielding someone I 

Dick. I am shielding the honor of the class ! 
If any of my fellow students did this, I don't want 
to know it ! I want to believe in them — and blame 
myself for placing temptation in the way ! 

Young. It's wonderfully generous of you 
Dick 

Dick. Don't call it generous — it's selfishness. 



THE NEW CO-ED. 63 

There's the softest old spot right here — (Tapping 
his heart) — for ever3'one of you! What's a ring, 
compared with a good name ! 

Young. It must have cost a couple of hundred. 

Dick. I'd pay ten times that to save a friend. 

Young. Well, it was your gift — your loss — but I 
suppose Estelle does feel disappointed. 

Dick. (Looking at Estelle) If Miss Doolittle 
wants a ring, I will be happy to present it 

Estelle. (Quick) Dick — — 

Dick. With the compliments of the class ! 
(Bozvi)ig to Estelle) 

Young. That settles it. (Turning to l. door) 
The nomination of new members is very important. 
(Consulting book in his hand) Will you go over 
these names with me, Estelle ? (Exit l. leaving door 
open) 

Estelle. (In distressed state of mind) Dick — 
are you angry with me? 

Dick. Why, no — — 

Estelle. You're displeased — you think I am 
vindictive — don't you ? 

Dick. I don't want to think anything so 
strong 

Estelle. Still you feel that I should say no 
more about your ring. 

Dick. (Gently) Yes, I do feel that way about 
it, Estelle. 

Estelle. (With much feeling) I have plenty 
of rings — see : (Displaying her hands on the fingers 
of zuhich are several handsome rings) But it was 
your ring, I wanted! (Dick looks at her in sur- 
'prise) And I was so glad when I — won it! The 
loss made me bitter — perhaps too bitter. You see, 
I am telling you just what my feelings are — w41I 
you forgive me? (Extending her hand) 

Dick. (Taking her hand in friendly manner) 
There's nothing to forgive — I have a nasty, sharp 
tongue, at times — we'll call it square — shall we? — = 



64 THE NEW CO-ED. 

the same old chums we always have been ; what do 
you say? 

EsTELLE. It's glorious to hear you say that — 
because you have been rather snappy to me. 

Dick. I'm a beast — you can pinch me if vou 
like 

EsTELLE. (Light laugh) I don't want to pinch 
you — ^but if you will go and help our hard-working 
coach — (Indicating room l.) — I'll be tremendously 
grateful. 

Dick. Of course, I will — (Turning quickly to 
L.) I deserve a penance. (Exit l. He closes door) 

EsTELLE. (Up-stage, looking toward l. dOor) 
If he knew — if he knew ! What would he say — to 
me! 

(Enter from c. d. Letty and Madge, Madge with 
her arm linked tightly in that of L;etty's.) 

Madge. (Brightly) Nobody here ! What a late 
lot of sinners they are ! 

EsTELLE. I'm here. (Advancing down l. c.) 

Madge. Hello, Stella — (Down c. Letty on her 
R.) Look at this backslider! (Holding Letty at 
arms-length) Threatened — positively threatened 
not to come ! 

EsTELLE. (Frigidly) Indeed! 

Madge. And wouldn't tell me why — me — her 
guardian and custodian ! I dragged her here I 
(Letty turns to R. she sighs and appears very de- 
pressed) What's the matter with you, girlie ? Had 
a quarrel with Dick? 

Letty. (In distress) Oh, Madge, please don't! 
(Sinking in chair at table R.) 

Madge. Got a toothache — headache — paralysis 
of the purse? Here, I can help you — (Opening her 
hand-bag) A check from home to-day — and I lost 
no time in converting it into negotiable coin ! 
(Drawing bills from her purse) 



THE NEW CO-ED. 65 

Letty. I don't want money — I don't want any- 
thing ! 

(EsTELLE is L., zvatcliing Letty with a disagreeable 
smile. ) 

Madge. {Pausing, regarding Letty) Here's a 
girl who don't want money ! A phenomena ! 
{Tucking money hack in her purse) All right, 
honey love, then I think it's just a case of dumps 
and blue devils ! Better take a hot foot-bath — say a 
prayer and tuck into bed ! 

Letty. {UnusuaUy sharp tone) I should have 
done so, if you had not brought me here, against my 
will ! 

Madge. {In serious tone) You say that as if 
you really mean it ! 

Letty. {Firmly) I do mean it! 

Madge. And you won't tell me why this state of 
affairs ? 

EsTELLE. {Quick interruption) It's perfectly 
clear, Madge — Miss Willis feels her position. 

Madge, {c. in surprise) What position ? 

(Letty seated r. listening, leaning her head de- 
jectedly on her hand.) 

Estelle. {Affecting embarrassment) Why, you 
know — what the whole class is talking about ! 

Madge. {In irritation) For goodness' sake, 
what do you mean — in English ? 

Estelle. {Sharply) AVhat is the use in pre- 
tending innocence? You know they are all talking 
about that ring — someone stole it — and naturally 
we all resent what that implies. 

(Letty vises, odz'anciiig a step, with dignity.) 

Letty. (To Estelle) Do you think I stole it, 
Miss Doolittle? 



66 THE NEW CO-ED. 

EsTELLE. {Feigning embarrassment) Oh — Miss 
Willis ! 

(Madge c. regarding first one, then the other.) 

Letty. (Firmly) Do you? 

EsTELLE. I don't suppose you care for my opinion 
— you never seemed to like me — although I have 
tried to be, your friend. 

Letty. Do any of the others think I 'took — the 
ring ? 

(Madge retires, backwards up c. a step, as Letty 
advances tozvard c. Gradually zvorking across 
to table.) 

Estelle. You are placing me in a very awkward 
position — as Dick says 

Letty. (Quick) What does he say ? 

Estelle. (Firmly) I can't tell you. He has 
expressed himself to me in confidence — I shall not 
repeat what he said ! 

Letty. He didn't say — (Advancing) — he didn't 
say that 

Estelle. (Staring at her coldly) Well — what 
do you think he said ? 

(Letty c, rapidly losing self-control — Madge 
zvatching scene zvith much interest.) 

Letty. (Tearfully) He cow/Jw'^ say he thought 
I took his ring? (Estelle turns aside to l.) Will 
you tell me that much ? 

Estelle. I can tell you nothing — except that he 
is indignant — he is going to offer a reward for the 
return of the ring, and detection of the guilty per- 
son ! 

Letty. (Firmly, zvith head erect) I hope he 
does ! Then the gossip — the cruel suspicion will fall 



THE NEW CO-ED. 67 

upon the person who deserves it — instead of — upon 
me! {In tears) Oh, Madge — Madge! {Weeping, 
(M Madge advances down r. placing arms about 
Letty ) 

Madge. Don't cry — it breaks my heart — 'Stell — 
you are horrid to talk hke this ! And when I see 
Dick — I'm going to box his ears — just for exercise! 
{Aggressively rolling up her sleeves) 

Letty. Please don't say anything to Mr. Bradley 
— about me — it only makes it worse ! 

Madge. I feel like a hght — I'm going to hire a 
detective to ferret this out! {To c. as Letty turns 
to R.) I wish I knew where Sherlock Holmes hangs 
out! 

Estelle. {Quickly) You better not interfere 
with Dick — he's very quick-tempered, — he may tell 
you not to meddle ! 

Madge. I've meddled all my life — that for Dick 
— {Snapping Her fingers contemptuously) — and that 
and that ! Do you suppose I'm going to stand for 
all this abuse against my darling Letty? No, 
Madam! Not if we have to call out the United 
States Army ! 

Letty. {Sadly) That wouldn't clear me — you 
see how impossible it is for me to join your Associa- 
tion. 

Madge. I see that you are a great silly ! I'm 
going to have my way or break up the club ! The 
mixture of blood in my veins is now at the boiling 
point, and I'm out for a battle ! Where's Dick ? 
{Turning around in a circle) Where is he? 

{Enter Dick from l.) 

Dick. Did I hear my name? {Advancing) 
Madge. You did — {Taking his hand and drazving 
him. forward) Go down on your knees ! Instantly ! 

(Dick sJiozvs comic amazement.) 



6^ THE NEW CO-ED. 

Letty. (In distress and indignation) Madge — ■ 
I forbid you ! 

Dick. What's the trouble ? 

Madge. (Severely to Dick) Don't attempt to 
deny it ! Perfidious Dick ! All this time pretending 
you didn't care a fig about the ring— you were going 
about — throwing out hints ! 

Dick. (In great amazement) W-h-a-t! 

Madge. Isn't it true ? 

Dick. (In rising indignation) Now see here^ 
Madge — you're a fine sport — and a first-class boss — > 
but you can't call me a hypocrite — and get away 
with it ! If you had a brother, I'd thrash him — as 
you haven't — I'll take it out on Punch — ! (Start- 
ing toward c. d.) 

Madge. (Intercepting him quickly) Don't you 
dare molest Punch ! 

EsTELLE. I see no occasion for all this excite- 
ment ! 

Dick. (Turning to her quickly) That's a sen- 
sible remark, Miss Doolittle — very. (Grozving 
highly excited) Very sensible, indeed ! The essence 
of wisdom ! I beg you to observe that / am not ex- 
cited — not a bit ! (Drawing his handkerchief from 
his pocket and mopping his forehead) I don't get 
excited about trifles — some people get excited about 
nothing — (Glaring at Madge) That's not my 
nature — ! (Thrusting the handkerchief into his 
pocket) I try to keep cool — even in the face of 
aggravating circumstances ! ( Glaring at Madge) 

Madge. (Comic indignation) It is rude of you 
to call me a circumstance ! I am a sweet girl, and 
a peacemaker — only you don't appreciate me ! I am 
going to take Letty and go straight out ! (Advanc- 
ing a step toward Letty) 

Dick. (Intercepting quickly) No, you don't — > 
you disorganizer ! You're worse than a strike 
leader! Letty is going to remain right here! 
(Drazving Letty's arm through his) You can take 



THE NEW CO-ED. 69 

Estelle and go where you like! (Walking r. with 
Letty) 

Madge, (c. in delight) Madge, shake! (Shak- 
ing her own hand) As a plotter you are a prodig- 
ious success ! 

(Letty and Dick r. in earnest conversation; 
EsTELLE, L., mortified and surprised.) 

EsTELLE. I suppose / am in the way! (Looking 
at Dick and Letty) 

Madge. (Cheerfully) Of course you are! 
Come on! (Catching Esteli.e by the hand) Let's 
go out on the balcony and count the moons! 
(Laughing, she drazvs Estelle off c. d.) 

Dick. (To Letty) What have I done to 
offend you? 

Letty. (Dolefully) Nothing! 

Dick. There must be something — you frowned 
this morning, in chapel — ^your frowned at dinner, 
and you frowned at supper 

Letty. I wasn't frowning at you ! 

Dick. You must have been, because I was look- 
ing at you all the time. Didn't you see me ? 

Letty. (After brief pause) No! (A step 
aside) 

Dick. (Piqued) Oh! You didn't even see me — 
1 must be an interesting object 

Letty. I was busy — eating! 

Dick. Eating! (Comic indignation) You could 
€at — while I was starving — do you suppose I could 
eat when I felt that you were angry with me ? 

Letty. (Assumed fUppuncy) You shouldn^t 
think about me at all — (Crossing to c.) — but about 
your appetite! (Light laugh) If you're hungry — 
Miss Rice will be delighted to give you something to 
eat! 

(Dick turns and regards her in surprise.) 



70 THE NEW CO-ED. 

Dick. And that's all you care ! Just enough to 
kid me ! You learned that from Madge ! Madge is 
a villain I 

Letty. Indeed, she is not — she is a darling, and 
I love her ! 

Dick. Then you can love people — when you 
want to? {Advancing a step to Letty) 

Letty. Yes — {Stepping back of chair l. of c.) 
I love Jim 

Dick. {Quick and zvrathful) Who's Jim? 

Letty. (5ur old colhe dog ! {Tiic^ laughs) And 
of course I love grandma and grandpa 

Dick. Have they sold the cottage? {Looking 
at her keenly) 

Letty. No — but there is a prospect — ^and the 
price is suprisingly high — I am sure it isn't worth it ! 

Dick. You leave that to the customer — if he 
wants to get stung ! 

Letty. Grandma used to complain of loneliness ; 
now, she says she doesn't miss me at all 1 

Dick. Of course not? 

Letty. {In surprise) How? 

Dick. {Firmly) This is where you belong, and 
this is where you stay \ 

Letty. I forgot — you said you were hungry — 
and I am detaining you 1- 

Dick. Do you want to get rid of me ? 

Letty. {After brief pause) You are free to do 
as you please. {To l.) 

Dick. {Taking prompt advantage of her reply) 
Then I shall remain here! {Crossing to table R. 
seating himself zvith determined air) 

(George enters from c. d. zvith pitcher of zvater.) 

George, (Excuse me — ^here's that ice water! 
{Advancing lazily dozvn tozvard table r.) 

{Enter immediately after George — Punch, arm-in^ 



THE NEW CO-ED. 71 

arm with Rose and May — they come in in a 
rush.) 

Punch. {Loud) Lookout — you're on the track ! 

(George quickly jumps aside to r.) 

George. Laws! Mr. Punch!. I ahiiost done 
drapped it. {Placing pitcher on table r.) 

Punch. {Jn comic irritation) Where's the 
bunch? Where's our coach? Young, old boy, 
where are you? Business is business, and time 
flies. {Taking his zvatch from his pocket and 
flipping it back again) Has anybody here seen our 
director? {Enter Grace and Madge from c, fpl- 
lozved by Estelle — Enter Young from l. zvith 
Minute book) Hello, Young, old man! {Quickly 
lip to CD. calling off) Hay — come in everybody — 
schools took up ! 

(Young crossing to table r. zvhere he stands at 
head of table. Grace, May and Rose are in a 
group near the piano — chatting. Letty alone 
on the L. Dick alone on the r. Georeg zvell 
iip-stage r, Estelle at r. of table r.) 

Young. Before we call this meeting to order — • 
{Enter all the students in a noisy rush. All talking 
and laughing as they work to various positions in 
pairs and trios. Using gavel) Young ladies — 
{They talk louder) Young ladies — ladies ! 

Punch. {Loud) There are no ladies present? 
(They all stop at once and glare at Punch) Do my 
eyes deceive me! {Using his fingers as a monocle) 

Grace. {To Punch) Don't get fresh until you 
run with the Seniors ! 

(Dick jerks Punch by the coat, zvhich draivs him 
back to R. NOTE : — for this situation, leave 



J2: THE NEW CO-ED. 

the principals in the foreground, and group all 
the others to the back. During this shifting 
to positions, George goes quietly out c. d.) 

Young. Fellow students— this meeting- is for 
the purpose of nominating and electing new mem- 
bers to our distinguished Dramatic Association — an 
organization that has covered itself with glory! 

Omnes. (Loud) Hear! hear 1 {All applaud) 

Young. We expect to undertake a more 
ambitious effort than we have thus far attempted — 
in the presentation of our play, this year. And to 
do this, we must have the best talent the class is 
able to supply. I am sure you agree with me ? 

Omnes. (Loud) Yes! Yes! 

Punch. Me does ! 

(They all look at Punch in disapproval.) 

Young. (Gaining in interest) The drama is a 
great art! Pent up in our hearts each one of us 
has the fire of genius — it needs only to be encouraged 
to burst forth and shed its brilliance upon a waiting- 
world ! 

Punch. Watchful waiting ! 

Omnes. (Loud approval) Hear — ^hear ! 

Punch. (Turning to Young) Young, old boy — 
drama is all right, but me — for vaudeville ! That's 
the stuff! (Executing a step or two) 

EsTELLE. (Sharply) Punch, shut up! 

Punch. Thanks — you're a lady— I hate to admit 
it, but you really are 1 (Ironical bozv) 

Young. What I mean to convey is that we must 
admit scholars who are qualified by birth, education 
— talent and character, to become members of our 
organization — who will bring credit upon us, and 
upon themselves. 

Punch. Cut it, Deacon — let's get down to vot- 
ing — I love to vote ! 



THE NEW CO-ED. y^ 

. Young. Presently Punch, all in good time. Be- 
fore we come to that, I feel it my duty to bring 
to your attention, a matter of importance — a very 
serious matter! {They all show interest) Our 
friend Richard, here — {Indicating Dick r.) — has 
practically enjoined upon us, silence regarding the 
mysterious disappearance of the ring — an incident 
with which you are all familar. But as I came 
through the hall just now, I found our beloved land- 
lady. Miss Rice, greatly agitated and in tears ! 

{All display surprise and concern.) 

Punch. What's the trouble with Ricey? 

Young. I informed her that it is due all of us 
that she repeat the story she has just told me — she 
has reluctantly consented to come here. {Stepping 
to c. D. and speaking off) Miss Rice, will you 
kindly step in? {To students) 1 have one request 
to make of you — control your feelings — no matter 
v/hat occurs, suppress your feelings. 

{Enter Miss Rice from c. d. — tliey all make room 
for her, — she is wiping her eyes and appears 
7.'ery nervons.) 

Miss Rice. Oh, Mr. Young, why did you tell 
them? — Pm so sorry. 

(Young places a chair forzvard to position c. for 
her.) 

Young. It is your duty Aliss Rice — come — -{She 
drops into the chair, in great distress) We are 
often called upon to perform unpleasant tasks — and 
we must not shirk ! 

Miss Rice. It is very dreadful, ]\Ir. Young — 
{Tearfully) Very 



74 THE NEW CO-ED. 

Young. It is indeed — but we are all friends— 
{Looking about) 

Madge. (Impatiently) For heaven's sake! 
what is it all about? 

Miss Rice. It is about my emerald set, Miss 
Stevens- — you all remember the brooch — and the 
earrings? I wore them last Commencement Day — ■ 
and you all admired them ! 

Girls. Yes — — 

Miss Rice. In comparison with modern pieces of 
jewelry, they may have no great value — but they 
were priceless to me — because they once belonged to 
my mother who has been dead many years ! 

Madge. What has happened to the emeralds ? 

Miss Rice. They were in a little jewel-case in 
my room. 

Madge. Yes ? 

Miss Rice. The box is gone ! 

Omnes. (Great surprise) Gone! 

Miss Rice. Gone ! ( Unable to control her 
emotion, she bozvs her head, zveeping. Madge drops 
to one knee beside Miss Rice) 

Madge. Don't cry so — dear, Miss Rice — (Taking 
her hand sympathetically) Perhaps you only mis- 
laid them ? 

Miss Rice. (Shaking her head sadly) No — • 
they w^ere quite safe last night — and now — (Shaking 
her head) — the box is gone! 

Madge. Was the drawer locked? 

Miss Rice. No— it was careless of me — but 
nothing has ever disappeared in my house before. 

EsTELLE. I lost a bracelet last week ! 

Grace. (Amazed) 'Stell ! 

Madge. (Rising — to Estelle) You said noth- 



mg about it ? 



Estelle. No — I felt as Dick did — 'I couldn't 
accuse anyone — ■ — 

Miss Rice. (Nervously) I do not accuse any- 



THE NEW CO-ED. 75 

one — I beg of yon, my dear yonng friends, don't 
think that ! 

Madge. The articles have disappeared — someone 
must have taken them — they couldn't walk off ? {To 
others, hopelessly) V/hat shall we do? 

Grace. We ought to hire a detective ! 

Punch. Hire me! 

EsTELLE. Punch ! You're ridiculous ! 

Punch. Not at all — there is imbedded here — 
{Tapping his forehead) — a subtle penetration that 
tt^: suspect ! 

Madcs. This is no joke — it is a very grave 
matter. 

Punch. I never was more serious in all my short 
and stormy life ! It may develop into a great sensa- 
tion — like one of those romances of Poe's 

Madge. Suppose you should discover the — the 
guilty person — would you have the courage to de- 
nounce — that person ? 

Punch. I would if it was — my own sister! 

EsTELLE. {Indignantly) Punch! How dare 
you ! 

May. Don't say anything so horrid — it makes 
me dizzy ! 

(Miss Rice rises; Young moves the chair hack to 

'former position at table r. Dick has remained 

R., quiet and thoughtful. Letty l., interested.) 

Miss Rice. It is most disturbing, and my poor 
headaches distractingly ! {Her hand to her head. 
Tzvo of the girls take her by each arm and in 
sympathetic manner, lead her up c.) 

Madge. Go lie down for a rest — dear old Ricey 
— it's perfectly scandalous ! 

Punch. Leave it to me — I'm the boy for the 
job! 

Madge. {Severe) It's about time for you to 
make good at something ! 



76 THE NEW CO-ED. 

Punch. I'm going to be a great detective^ 
something that father will be proud of — and mother 
won't recognize ! Watch me ! After this meeting, 
I want everybody to come to my room while I put 
them through the third degree — ^yes, and the fourth 
and fifth degree, if necessary — when I get through 
with you—the examination will make the Spanish 
Inquisition look like a tango tea ! 

Madge. Punch, if you really succeed, I — I'll 
marry you ! 

Punch. {Delighted and astonished) No! You 
don't mean it ! 

Madge. I do — you haven't asked me — I suppose 
you're too bashful — but I know you love me — so 
that goes ! (Extending her hand) 

(All laugh, crozvding about Punch and Madge 
laughing.) 

Young. (Rapping with gavel) Order ! 

(The noise subsides.) 

EsTELLE. (Dozvn R. of Dick) Dick; are you 
going to let Punch make a fool of himself ? 

Dick. Yes — I'm going to encourage , him ! 
Punch, you're a noble Roman ! 

Punch. Aye, aye, Senator ! 

Dick. (Advancing) I'm going to help by offer- 
ing a reward of five hundred dollars if you catch— 
the thief ! 

Omnes. (Loud) Plear! Hear! (Applause) 

Young. (Rapping) Order ! 

Madge: Come to business — where is the Com- 
mittee on Plays? 

Rose. (Stepping forzvard) Here it is ! Come 
on, Grace ! (She beckons Grace who joins her) 

Madge. Are you ready to announce your choice 
of plays? 



THE NEW CO-ED. 77 

Grace and Rose. We are — but we're afraid to! 

Punch. It must be something of Bernhardt's or 
I won't act ! 

Madge. {To Punch, ivitheringly) There are 
no detectives in Bernhardt's plays. 

Punch. {Cherfiilly) All right — then let's have 
minstrels ! 

Young. Ladies and gentlemen- 

Punch. Present! 

Young. The selection of members comes first in 
the order of business. 

Omnes. Yes — hear — hear! 

Young. There are several names to be voted 
upon — {Consulting his book) 

Madge. My candidate comes first — here she is ! 
(Taking Letty's Jiaiid, leading her forzvard — she 
rather reluctant) 

Letty. After hearing the qualifications Mr. 
Young set forth, I feel poorly equipped for dramatic 
work — although I love it ! 

Madge. Of course you do — we all know you 
recite beautifuUv — you're going to be our leading 
lady! ^ ! 

{All look surprised.) 

May. I thought Estelle — {Looking at Estelle) 

Estelle. {Rigidly) It seems Miss Stevens has 
arranged for my successor ! 

Young. Before Miss Willis can be allotted to 
any position, she must be elected to membership. 

Omnes. Yes, of course — of course! 

Dick. Will someone make the nomination ? 

Madge. I propose the name of Letty Willis ! 

Dick. {Promptly) Second the motion ! 

Punch. Are you ready for the question? 

Estelle. No, we are not ! 

Young. Qualifications must first be passed upon. 

Madge. {Indignantly) I never heard anything 
more insulting! 



^% THE NEW CO-ED. 

Young. {Rather severe tone) We must follow 
the by-laws, Aliss Stevens 

Madge. Go ahead with your old by-laws ! 

Young. (Reading from book of Minutes) The 
first qualification relates to the birth of the can^ 
didate. 

(All looking at Letty.) 

Letty. (With quiet dignity) I am an American 
girl ; born of American parents. 

Omnes. (Loud applause) Hear! Hear! 

Young. Education ? 

Punch. She knows more than the whole bunch 
combined! (Letty smiles, the others laugh at 
Punch) Am I right? — what next? 

Young. Talent ! 

Punch. She's chuck full of it — only waiting an 
opportunity to — what was that you said? — (Quoting 
Young) — " burst forth and shed its brilliance upon 
— upon " — any old thing ! 

Young. Fourth and last — character! 

Dick. (Surprise) Character! I don't recall 
that in the by-laws ! 

Young. It was carried at a meeting you failed 
to attend. 

Dick. I consider it most offensive — that's my 
opinion, 

Young. (To, Dick — sharp tone) We haven't 
asked your opinion! (^The tzvo men regard each 
other in displeasure) 

Letty. (A step forzvard) Please don't quarrel 
on my account — (To Young) What do you mean 
by 'character,' Mr. Young? 

Young. It means the candidate must show a per- 
fectly clean record — no reprehensible conduct — or 
even suspicion against him, or her ! (Regarding 
Letty steadily. All eyes on Letty) 

Dick. (A step forzvard to r. of c.) Miss WilHs 



THE NEW CO-ED. 79 

is above reproach! {The others hesitate, and there 
is a somezvhat uneasy movement on the part of all) 
Do you second me ? 

Madge. I do, of course ! 

Dick. You are a partisan — I want to hear from 
all. {Addressing all) 

EsTELi.E. You see the feeling of the class ! 

Dick. What is the feeling about? {Sternly) 
Has anyone the manhood, or the womanhood to 
speak out, honestly, frankly? 

May. {In reluct ant, confused tone) You know, 
Dick, all the gossip 

Dick. {Sharp tone) What gossip? 

Letty. I will tell you — I felt it coming — the old 
kindly feeling is gone — some of them scarcely speak 
to me — they stand in twos and threes, and when I 
pass, they turn away, or give me a cold glance of 
suspicion. 

Dick. Suspicion of what? 

Letty. Someone has been talking to them — about 
me — poisoning them — it began the night your ring 
■ — was stolen ! 

Dick. {Ajnazed and indignant) You don't 
mean to say they dare accuse you? 

Letty. Not in words — but in their hearts, they 
do — {To all) It's true, isn't it? You all count me 
a nobody- — a poor girl, struggling through college 
by fair means — or foul ! When things disappear, 
you think I take them! Oh! {Weeping) You 
do ! You do ! 

Dick. {In anger) If they do, they'll have to say 
so — right now! {T^o all) Friends, you hear what 
Miss Willis says — her name has been proposed and 
seconded — I call for the question — everyone in 
favor of her election, say aye ! 

Madge, Punch and Dick. Aye ! 

Dick, {To all) Contrary minded? 

Omnes. {Loud and hitter) No ! {All looking 
at Letty in displasure — she zveeping) 



8o THE NEW CO-ED. 

Punch. (Astonished) Black-balled ! 

(Letty sinks in chair l. weeping — Madge appears 
about to advance to Letty zvhen Rose and May 
restrain her — Madge yielding to them.) 

Dick. {Great indignation) That's your vote, is 
it ! I'm ashamed of you ! Everyone of you ! I am 
too much ashamed of you to remain a member of 
this Association — You can take my resignation — • 
right here — and now I {Goes to Letty and takes 
her hand) 

CURTAIN. 



ACT IV. 



Scene : — The Campus, or a view of the lazvn in 
front of one of the College buildings. Rustic 
seat R. of c. dozun-stage. Rustic chair zvell 
over L. 

NOTE :— // it is not convenient to shozu an exterior 
scene, the interior used in the earlier acts, may 
be continued, zvith the same arrangement of 
furniture. 

Tiate : — Evening, follozving a class dinner. Every- 
body in evening dress. Punch zvears evening 
dress, zvith tennis shoes, and a soft shirt, and 
no tie. 

At Rise: — A "' blind'' chorus is stationed off-stage. 
They render a college song, concluding zvith a 
ballad chorus, as the curtain is raised, rather 
slozi'ly. All the singers and principals march 
on from r., execute a drill, and march off.. 



THE NEW CO-ED. 8i 

Letty, Miss Rice and George, are absent 
from this opening chorus. 

{Enter from l. George Washington Watts. He 
carries a collar in one hand, and a red or yellozu 
tie in the other.) 

George. (Pausing c.) Laws! Ain't that singin' 
beau'ful ! (Looking after the singers) I does 
cer'ly love singin' — 'minds me o' home an' mother — 
(Sniffing tearfully — comic effect) — down in South 
Car'hna ! 

(Enter from r. Punch, in a rush.) 

Punch. Hello, George, you're just the boy Vm 
looking for ! 

George. Is that so, Mr. Punch! (Dozvn l. a 
step, grinning) I reckon that a kind o' — o' — co- 
inaccident ! 

Punch. What's that? (Dozvn r. eyeing George) 
Where did you excavate that word ? 

George. That means a — a 

Punch. Co-incidence — spit it out ! What are you 
doing with those tools? (Indicating collar and tie) 

George. Excuse me, Mr. Punch — Miss Madge 
done tol'e me to fetch 'em f o' you to wear ! 

(Ejiter jMadge from r. quickly.) 

Punch. (Snatching articles from George) 
Does she think she is going to dictate my attire ? 
Madge. (Dozvn r.) Yes, I am! 

(Punch c. Madge r. George over l.) 

Punch. (Tur]iing sharply to Madge) Indeed! 
Will you let me boss your wardrobe? 

Madge. (Indignantly) I should say not! But 



^2 THE NEW CO-ED. 

you look awful — {Surveying hifu)- 
party without, a collar! 

Punch. Miss Rice said I could ! 

IMadge. {Storinily) This isn't her party — she 
has nothing to do with it ! 

Punch. { Quickly) Yes, she has — she loaned us 
the paper napkins ! (Tossing the collar aside) But 
I can go if I'm de trop ! (Drawing the tie about his 
neck with a vicious tug) 

George. (In alarm) You're hangin' yourself — 
Mr. Punch — you'll get stranleated ! 

Punch. Who cares! (Giving the tie a vicious 
tug) — what — becomes — of — me ! 

Madge. Why are you so careless ? 

Punch. All geniuseses are carlesseses 

Madge. Haven't you any decent clothes? 

Punch. Clothes ! I have clothes that are pining 
away for want of exercise ! 

Madge. You better learn how to dress before 
you attend another dinner ! (Down^R. a step) You 
didn't know how to dress in September, October, 
November. Now this is May, and look at you ! 
You're a sight ! 

Punch. If I ever attend another food massacre, 
it will take place in a pasture, and Ell get a permit 
to appear without a bib ! 

George, Excuse me — excuse me — (Taking letter 
from his pocket) A letter jes' now comed — kind o' 
important I reckon — with a speciality stamp 

Punch. Eor me? 

George. Fo' Mis' Willis — I didn't see her no- 
where's 'bout. 

Madge. I'll take it — (Crossing to George, taking 
letter. Punch com^?^ dozvn r. ) Go find Miss 
Willis — tell her there is a message for her — and if 
she wants it; she must come here for it. And hurry! 

George. Yes'm — I'se a hurryin' — I'se a hurry- 
in' ! (Exit L. in usual lazy fashion) 



THE NEW CO-ED. 83 

MaDvGE. {Regarding letter) From Schenectady. 

Punch. Perhaps somebody's sick ! 

Madge. Letty acts perfectly awful — she wouldn't 
come one step to the party. 

Punch. Who would with the crowd snubbing 
her? 

Madge. (Seriously) Punch, have you dis- 
covered anything? You never say a word about 
your detective work ! (Advancing doivn to seat r. 
where she sits, presently) 

Punch. That shows Pm a good detective — 
know how to keep my trap closed ! 

IMadge. But you can tell me! 

Punch. Yes — then yon can tell everybody! 

Madge. I can keep a secret. 

Punch. I can keep it better. (Dropping on 
seat beside Madge) 

.Madge. (Great interest) Then you /zaz'^ learned 
somethine 



Punch. I have learned to shut up ! 

Madge. Ah — tell me! (Pouting) 

Punch. Not a nibble ! 

Madge. (Sharp) You must tell me! 

Punch. Now don't nag ! I can see we are going 
to be hideously happy — after the ceremony ! 

Madge. (Rising) Perhaps there won't be any 
ceremony. 

Punch. (Haughty indifference) It may be just 
as well ! 

Madge, (c.) Do you want to break our engage- 
ment? 

Punch. (Stormily) I could break anything! 
(Rising) 

Madge. (Tearfully) Oh, Punch, forgive me — 

it's all my fault ! 

Punch. (Assuming injured air) Of course it 
is — I could have told you that all along. 

Madge. (Tearfully) Forgive me ! (Advancing, 
laying her hand on his arm) 



84 THE NEW CO-ED. 

Punch. Don't tease the animals ! (Brushing 
her hand azvay) 

Madge. (A zvail of anguish) Oh, Punchy — I'm 
sorry — forgive me ! 

Punch. Don't howl — people will think some 
brute is murdering you ! 

Madge. (In comic agitation) Oh, Punchy — 
Punchy ! 

Punch. Oh, Madgie, Madgie! (The two zveep 
on each other's shoulders) Say you forgive me ! 

Madge. I say it ! Say you forgive me ! 

Punch. I say it — with all my heart ! (Embrace) 

(Enter Letty from l. She pauses abruptly on 
observing Madge and Punch in embrace.) 

Letty. I beg your pardon. 

Punch. You needn't — come right in — Madge, 
look up and execute a blissful smile! (Raising 
Madge's face by the chin — Madge smiling) 

Letty. I am glad you are so happy ! 

Punch. That's why I love a fight — it's so 
pleasant making up! (Waltzing Madge about a 
step or tzvo) 

Letty. George told me you had a message for 
me. 

Madge. Better still — a letter from home ! (Ex- 
tending the letter to Letty) 

Letty. (Taking it eagerly) Special delivery! 
(Looking at it apprehensively) I wonder if any- 
thing has happened? (Crossing to bench R.) 

Punch. Something tells me it's good news ! 

Letty. (Looking at him in surprise) What 
makes you think so? (Sitting on bench r. c.) 

Punch. Em a detective — (With pride) — It is 
part of the science of my business to know the con- 
tents of letters — before they are written ! 

(Letty seated r., nervously opens the letter.) 



THE NEW CO-ED. 85 

Madge. We'll catch you if it's anything fainty! 

{Enter Dick from up l. As he observes the situa- 
tion, he remains in the background, unheard 
and unseen, he watches the scene. Madge and 
Punch c. — Madge zvith her arm about 
Punch's neck, both zvatching Letty with in- 
terest.) 

Letty. {Reading letter) "Dearest Letty: — 
Grandma wanted to wait until to-morrow, but I 
told her we must let you hear the good news as soon 
as possible — so, I am writing by lamplight, and will 
take this down to the post-office myself. What do 
you think, Letty, dear? We know how happy and 
thankful you will be when we tell you we have sold 
the farm for three thousand dollars ! " {In great 
surprise) Three thousand dollars! {Continuing 
to read) " It seems like a great fortune to us, and 
far more than the old place is worth. But that is 
not all — the customer is like a good angel — he says 
he does not want the place for five years, during 
which time we are to occupy it, free of expense." 
(Letty rises in growing amazement) " He further 
states that he will make repairs at no cost to us. I 
can scarcely believe it, dear child ; the money is 
lying before me — still, I cannot realize it. The only 
name our friend has given us, is Mr. Smith." {In 
great delight) Oh! Grandma and grandpa won't 
have to work any more — ! And I won't be a burden 
to them! Oh, Madge! Madge! Think of it! 
Isn't it glorious ! 

{Weeping with joy, Madge runs to her, embracing 
her. ) 

Punch. Didn't I tell you it was good news ? 
-Letty. If I could only thank — Mr. Smith ! 
Punch. Perhaps you can — some day ! {Looking 



86 THE NEW CO-ED. 

around, he observes Dick) Hello, Dick— come and 
join our little band! 

Dick. {Advancing) I didn't mean to listen, 
but 

Madge. {To Dick) Isn't it splendid news? 

Dick. {Down l.) I am sure Miss Willis is 
worthy all the good fortune that fate can bestow 
upon her. 

Madge. Now that worry is laid, what will you 
do next? 

Letty. First I shall write to grandma and grand- 
pa — and tell them how grateful I am to our generous 
benefactor — {Abruptly,)- — I wonder what he looks 
like ? 

Madge. {With enthusiasm) Perhaps he is 
young and handsome — like a fairy prince, and you 
will marry him, and live happy ever after ! 

(Dick looks at Letty, keen glance — she not observ- 
ing him.) 

Letty. {Dolefully) I shall never marry. 

Punch. Tut-tut ! 

Madge. Pooh-pooh ! 

Letty. At least not until I am very old — and 
then no one will want me. 

Punch. I used to talk like that when I was 
young and foolish! That reminds me — {Taking 
Madge by the arm) — I haven't had enough ice- 
cream — come along, Madge — {Drazving her quickly 
up to R.) Us for the ice-cream freezer! 

{Exit Madge and Punch quickly r. u.) 

Letty. ■ {To Punch and Madge — nfervoiisly) 
Please take me with you — {A step up-stage) 

Dick. {Intercepting her) You are running 
away from me 

Letty. Indeed you are mistaken — {Nervously) 



THE NEW CO-ED. 87 

Dick. I am not mistaken, Letty. (Dozvn to her) 
You have been avoiding me — deliberately — it hurts 
me more than I can tell you 

Letty. You are quite — quite wrong, Air. Bradley 
^(A step to R.) 

Dick. " Mr. Bradley " — you see — ^you are 
offended — tell me what I have done — let me ask 
your forgiveness, and make any atonement in my 
power ! 

Letty. (In confusion) There is really nothing 
— you have always been most kind, and — if you w^ill 
excuse me — (Attempting to pass him) 

Dick. No — you shall not run away this time — 
{Taking both her hands) — not until we understand 
each other, Letty 

Letty. Please let me go — you know what I told 
you 

Dick. {Recklessly — hut earnestly) I don't care 
what you told me — I tell you that you are the 
sweetest, dearest girl in the whole world, and I love 
you with all my heart ! 

Letty. {In great distress) Oh ! You must not 
talk like that ! 

Dick. I zvill talk like that — I mean it — more than 
that — I ask for your love in return. 

Letty. I will not listen to you — I cannot! 
(Drazving away, succeeding in freeing one hand) 

Dick. {Retaining one hand) Why not? You 
don't mean to say you don't care — {Holding her left 
hand zvith his left hand, zvhile he places his r. arm 
lightly about her shoulders) 

Letty. {Almost in tears) I cannot answer you 
— it's not fair of you 

Dick. {Picking her up quickly) Not fair ! Do 
you think it was fair to encourage me to love you — 
and then almost refuse to look at me — without giv- 
ing me some reason- 



Letty. {Same manner) There is no reason- 
DiCK. {Quickly) No reason ? 



8S THE NEW CO-ED, 

Letty. Except — I am acting, as I feel ! 
(Dick instantly drops her hand, releasing her.} 

Dick. {In a tone indicating he is deeply hurt) 
Does that mean that you^you are through with 
me? — ^that I am out of your Hfe — forever? 

Letty. (In agitation) We can be friends 

Dick. (Firmly) No — ^we cannot be friends — we 
must be more than friends — I know I'm not — one, 
two, three, good enough for you, but 

Letty. (Facing him, quickly) Don't say that 
— please don't — ^you've been so kind — ^you have de- 
fended me — (Her voice breaking in emotion) 

Dick. Let me defend you for Hfe — (Taking one 
hand) Let me go to your grandparents and ask 
them to give you to me in the holy bonds of mat- 
rimony ! 

Letty. I can't let you do that — it is impossible ! 
(Dick again drops her hand, looking at her in sur- 
prise. Tearfully) Please — please let me go — 
(Crossing a step up c.) 

Dick. One moment — (A step to r. turning to 
her) I know I have no right to ask — but will you 
tell me this — is there — someone else? Is that — the 
obstacle ? 

Letty. (Facing him, firm tone of dignity) The 
obstacle is — my poverty, and your wealth — ^your 
position, compared to mine 

Dick. (Great surprise) What! Why I never 
appreciated the old money until I began to plan all 
the happiness it might bring you — if you object to 
the money — we can get rid of that! (Smiling 
cheerily) 

Letty. That's not all — (The smile vanishes from 
Dick's face) Every student in the class thinks I 
am— a thief ! 

Dick. (Sharp tone) Letty — don't say that 

Letty. You know how tliey feel 



THE NEW CO-ED. 89 

Dick. {Angry impatience) What do I care 
how they feel — that for the whole bunch! {Snap- 
ping his fingers) Are they more to you than I am? 

Letty. My good name is everything to me — 
your ring has never been found — {Tearfully) — 
they think — I took it ! 

Dick. They don't think that — I know some of 
them act like old Nick — but it is due to the spiteful 
activity of one person 

Letty. Estelle ! 

Dick. {A step nearer Letty) Are you going to 
allow one jealous woman to make us miserable for- 
ever ? 

Letty. {Slozvly, tearfully) I am not going to 
bring humiliation to you — {Crossing slozvly to l., 
her emotion increasing) I will not let you throw 
your life away upon a poor girl, who is suspected 
of stealing, from her friends! {Weeping bitterly, 
she exits l. slozvly — Dick c. looking after her) 

(Dick remains irresolute for a second, then pulls 
himself together zuith determined air.) 

Dick. I won't stand for this — not on your life — 
something's got to be done — {Turning sharply to- 
zvard r.) 

{Enter from r. Punch, quickly.) 

Punch. Dick old boy — rescue a drowning man ! 
{Advancing quickly to Dick) Madge has an awful 
capacity for that brutalizing ice-cream — have you 
got thirty cents ! 

Dick. I've got more than thirty cents ! {His 
hand on Punch's sJioulder) 

Punch. Let me have it! {Quickly extending 
his hand) 

Dick. {Regarding him critically) Punch, I 
wonder if you could — in a crisis — measure up to 
something big — a man's job! 



90 THE NEW CO-ED. 

Punch. What are you driving at? Do you 
think I'm a coward? 

Dick. No, I don't — I think there is a lot of 
good in you — if we can only stir it up ! 

Punch. Go ahead and stir! (Both advance 
dozvn-sfage) 

Dick. The happiness of my life is at stake — you 
can save me — and, at the same time, cover your- 
self with heroic glory ! 

, Punch. I never hankered for glory — (A step to 
R., hands in his pockets) But if there is any lying 
around going to waste — {Turning to Dick) 

Dick. {Sternly) See here — Letty won't look 
at me because of the gossip that has been on the 
wag since that confounded ring affair — you said 
you had the brains and the ambition to discover who 
took it. 

Punch. (Non-commital tone) I have dis- 
covered ! 

Dick. (Amazed) You have ! 

Punch. Yes, and the emeralds, too. 

Dick. Punch, you don't mean it? 

Punch. I do mean it. 

Dick. (Delighted) You're a wonder — a dandy ! 
(Slapping him on the back) I always said, there 
was something there. (Tapping Punch on head) 

Punch. Yes — you once called it a cabbage — 
(Looking at Dick zvith an air of injury) I haven't 
forgotten that ! 

Dick. Now, don't be vindictive — don't exult 
over another man's misery — Now that you have dis- 
covered the culprit — that will clear Letty's name. 

Punch. Perhaps. 

Dick. Of course it will — you'll tell — it's your 
duty ! 

Punch. Think so? 

Dick. Certainly — common justice to that heart- 
broken girl ' 



THE NEW CO-ED. 91 

Punch. (A tone of seriousness) You're putting 
something pretty tough up to me, old pal 

Dick. All right — then here is where the hero 
business comes in — (Enthusiastically) You take 
the blame ! You confess that you took the broach 
and earrings ! 

Punch. (/;/ disgust) Now what do I want with 
green earrings ! Do you think Em a Zoolah, or a 
Fijii Islander ! 

Dick. Perhaps not — but my happiness is at stake 
— and Letty won't listen to me — (Abruptly) — 
what's tlie use of talking about it — somebody must 
confess — and Ed rather see you do it than anybody 
else ! What do you say ? 

- Punch. What can I say since you have selected 
me as the victim ! 

Dick. (Quick) That's it — you can play the 
martyr — you're the very image of an anci-ent martyr 
— (Excitedly) We'll call the others, and get the 
ghastly thing over! (Quickly up c.) 

(Enter Madge quickly from r. — indignantly.) 

Madge. Punchy Doolittle ! 

Dick. (Calling off r.) Come on boys — come on 
girls — something doing! (All the principals and 
students rush in from r. — everybody except Letty 
and Miss Rice. Estelle dozvn to seat r. c. Madge 
dozvn R. of c. Punch c. Dick dozvn to l. of c.) 
Fellow students, look at this ingrate — this monster I 
(Glaring at Punch) Down on your knees, 
wretched fellow! (Punch drops heavily to his 
knees, assuming comic expression and attitude of 
remorse and zvoe) 

AIadge. (Astonished and indignant) Dick 
Bradley ! What's the matter with you ? 

Dick. (Same excited manner) Miss Willis — 
(Calling off l.) Miss WilHs— (To crozvd) Will 
someone ask Miss Willis to come here ? 



92 THE NEW CO-ED. 

Madge. Tell her Dick has gone violently mad ! 
(Exit Grace, quickly, l.) 

Dick. You see this pitiable object? (Indicating 
Punch) 

Madge, Punch, are you crazy? 

Punch. I don't know — do you? 

Madge. Dick, for goodness' sake ! What does 
it mean? 

Dick. (Assuming great indignation) Mean! 
It means that this creature — (Punch winces 
sharply) This schemer! (Punch jerks sharply 
at each zvord) This gaunt, flippant, audacious, 
daring adventurer — has worked his way into our 
confidence, only to betray us ! 

(All murmur and regard Punch in wonder and 
indignation — Enter from L. Grace, with Letty, 
remaining l.) 

Rose. What has he done? 

Dick. Done ! Let him tell it in his own base 
words ! What have you done ? 

Punch. Nothing ! 

Dick. Confess ! 

Punch. Ladies and gentlemen, I confess ! 

Madge. What do you confess? 

Punch. I forget ! 

Dick. (Quick and sharp) What! Have you 
forgotten your infamy ! 

Punch. I don't wear any. 

Dick. Coward ! 

Punch. Ah! Now you sting me to retort! I 
rn^y be a scoundrel, but I am no coward ! (Rising, 
assuming heroic attitude) I throw myself upon 
your mercy — it was me that done it! 

Madge. Done is bad enough, but what was it? 

Punch. Behold, the fatal jewels! (Drazving 



THE NEW CO-ED. 93 

the jewel-casket zvith emeralds from his pocket) 
111 this little box are the emeralds poor Miss Rice 
was so grieved about ! 

(NOTE: — The box is not opened — no emeralds 
sJiozvn.) 

Madge. (Aghast) You don't mean to say- 



PuNCH. Yes, I do — guilty, your honor ! (Ex- 
tending the box to Madge) 

Madge. Oh, Punch ! What a disgrace ! (Tak- 
ing box — her head bowed — all the others regard 
Punch indignantly. Dick l., delighted — Letty 
watching, puzded — Estelle immovable, watching 
Punch) 

Punch. (Cheerily) Not a bit — it was all a 
joke ! 

Omnes. (Indignation) A joke! 

Punch. Sure — wasn't it funny? — ha, ha! 
( Mirthless laugh ) 

Young. (To Punch, sternly) You have 
peculiar ideas of jokes ! 

Punch. (Cheerfully) Haven't I — Em scan- 
dalously original! (To all) You may now amuse 
yourselves by restoring it to our dear. Miss Rice! 

(All talking, led by Madge, zvith box — rush off l. u. 
Remaining on the scene — Punch, Dick, Letty, 
and Estelle.) 

Punch. (To Dick) Am I a hero? 

Dick. You are — (Grasping his hand zvarmly) 
I am your debtor for life ! 

Punch. (To Letty) What does Miss WilHs 
say ■? 

Dick. (To Letty) Are you satisfied, Letty? 

Letty. (Advancing to c.) How can I feel 
satisfied, when I know you — (Punch) — are not 
playing fair ? (All look at her in surprise) It was 



94 THE NEW CO-ED. 

good of you — a generous act, prompted by someone 
in my behalf. But I know better — it was not you 
who took the ring, nor the emeralds. 

Punch. {Seriously — r. of c.) This farce has 
gone far enough. 

Dick. (l. of c. in surprise) What do vou mean 
by "farce?" 

Punch. V\\ tell you — {Looking at Estelle) 

EsTELLE. {Q.nickly) You will have to excuse 
me — {Starting quickly itp-stage) 

Punch. {Quick) No, we won't — stop here a 
moment ! 

Estelle. I don't care to listen to your nonsense ! 

Punch. {Seriously) You won't find it non- 
sense, Cis ! It's dead serious! {'Estei.l.e pauses 
apprehensively) You've played for a big prize, 
and lost ! You can't win anything in this world by 
jealousy, and dishonesty — there stands the girl Dick 
loves— {He indicates Letty, zvho bows her head. 
To Dick) Am I right, Dick? 

Dick. That's God's truth ! {Looking at Letty) 

Punch. You've played against yourself, Stella, 
old girl — now the only decent thing for you to do, 
is, tell the truth ! {Drazving the jezvel-box zvith 
ring, from his pocket) Dick, here is your ring! 
{Looking at Estelle) — I found it in — Estelle's 
room ! 

(Letty and Dick manifest great surprise.) 

Punch. {To Estelle) Will you explain how it 
came there? 

Estelle. {Recklessly — bitterly) Oh, what do' 
I care ! Since you have plotted to humiliate me — ! 

Punch. I know you of old — I had a mighty good 
idea where to look for this! {Tapping the jewel- 
box) You needn't think this is a pleasure to me — 
I'm ashamed — but it's justice, and we're going 



THE NEW CO-ED. 95 

through with it — I hope it is a lesson ! What do you 
say? {Holding up the ring) 

EsTELLE. {Hard, hitter tone) I took it — and 
the emeralds ! 

Punch. To cast suspicion upon Letty? 

EsTELLE. {Defiantly) Yes! Yes! I suppose 
you will all hate me — and tell everybody — I clon't 
care anything about any of you — {Bursting into 
hysterical weeping) 

Dick. Poor old pal — {Crossing to Estelle) 
Estelle — {Taking her hand. Gently) Won't you 
speak to me? 

Estelle. {Tearfully, zvith bozved head) Dick — 
what can I say — to you ! 

Dick. Not a word — we're the same friends we 
always were — this is our secret, locked in our hearts 
— forever ! (Punch hands the jezvel-case to Dick) 
I want you to accept this — from me? 

Estelle. I can't 

Dick. You must. {Placing the ring in the hand 
lie holds) You won it — you know. 

Letty. Take it — it will please — Dick. 

Estelle. {Tearfully) If you wish it ! {Taking 
the ring, she sinks on bench r. c. endeavoring to re- 
gain composure) 

Dick. Punch — you're all to the good. {Shaking 
his hand, zvhile Letty takes the other hand) 

Letty. Hov/ can we ever thank you? 

Punch. That reminds me — Pm bursting to tell 
something I promised not to — {To Letty) You 
want to know who Mr. Smith is ? 

Dick. {Quickly — zvarningly) Punch — if you 
dare ! 

Punch. I dare! {Loud, exultant tone) Mr. 
Smith is Dick's agent ! Ha, ha ! Now, I'm square 
for that confession! {Brushing the dust from the 
knees of his trousers) 

Letty. Dick ! Then we owe our good fortune 
to vou ! 



96 



THE NEW CO-ED. 



{Enter Miss Rice and Madge, Miss Rice with 
emerald-box — all the others crowding after 
her.) 

Miss Rice. Oh, Mr. Doolittle! I am so de- 
lighted ! 

Grace. (To Letty) Will you forgive us for 
acting such beasts? 

(Letty embraces Grace.) 

Dick. Yes — we'll forgive you — (Taking Letty 
by the hand) — that is, if you'll promise to dance at 
our wedding ! This New co-ed, is the future, Mrs. 
Richard Bradley? 

(All talking and laugh, congratulating Letty and 
Dick — in noisy fashion. A singing number 
may end the play, if desired.) 

CURTAIN. 



